President Van Buren: My Opponents are Racists!

The Whigs hate Dutch people!With less than eight weeks until the presidential election of 1840 and trailing in the polls to the Whig challenger William Henry Harrison, President Martin Van Buren has accused his opponents of being motivated by racism.

With the United States mired in its worst recession in 20 years many pundits are predicting an easy Whig triumph.  However not wanting to concede the election, President Van Buren has mounted an offensive against the Whigs.

“The Whig party is the exclusive domain of Americans of English ancestry.  Look at my opponent’s last name:  Harrison!” he said during a campaign rally.   “They are a noninclusive party.  Only the Democratic party is all inclusive.  Only the Democrats are open to all white men of Northern European origin.”

The Whigs dismissed Van Buren’s argument as that of a desperate politician who knows he is going to lose and lose badly.

“Look at what the Democrats have done to our economy” said Whig Henry Clay.  “Under the Democrats our debt has become unsupportable. Our economy is shrinking. Our dollar is dropping. And this President does nothing.”

The Democrats countered by distributing pamphlets touting their accomplishments and membership.

As opposed to the Whigs, the Democrats come from all over Northern Europe.  We are a gorgeous mosaic of Dutch, Belgians, Danish, Luxembourgians, Swedish, Norwegians, Prussians, Russians, Swiss and yes, even the French.  Where do the Whigs come from?  England and Scotland!   A party with such a monolithic ethnic makeup cannot be sensitive to the needs of all Americans.

The Whigs dismissed the pamphlets as “propaganda unworthy of our Republic. This is the mark of a desperate politician.  He wants to shift the focus off of his record and end all debate by calling his opponents racist.”

President Van Buren for his part has said that his opponents better get used to having him around.

“I’m Dutch.  I’m proud and I’m beautiful.”



12 Responses

  1. KingShamus says:

    Ah yes, the now almost forgotten ‘Dutch Pride’ movement of the early 1800’s. If you look at many 19th century wood-cuts you’ll notice the Dutch men and women wearing their hair in a ‘natural’ style, dressing in traditional Ducth garb and festooning their houses with tulips.

    It was an amazing time of pride and diversity and multicultural exchange and stuff.

  2. Manhattan Infidel says:

    KS: It was a brief, beautiful moment in American history that was suppressed by “THE MAN”.

  3. innominatus says:

    Vote for me, Van Buren, or I’ll break my wooden shoe on yo azz!

  4. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Inn: Don’t mess with the Dutch. They are a mean people.

  5. Matt says:

    It almost sounds as if Van Buren went on vacation a lot, and didn’t do much politically other than accuse his opponents of racism. Thank God we learned that lesson!

  6. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Matt: Yep. Thank God that’ll never happen again!

  7. Karen Howes says:

    There are only two things I can’t stand– intolerance of people from other cultures, and the Dutch.

    (Yeah, I stole that from the last Austin Powers movie).

  8. Manhattan Infidel says:

    KH: Excellent. There is always room for austin powers lines on Manhattan Infidel

  9. Karen Howes says:

    Heh.. is it just me, or does that portrait of Van Buren actually look like Mike Meyers as Goldmember?

  10. Manhattan Infidel says:

    Frankly, I’ve always thought he resembled the creature from the black lagoon.

  11. MK says:

    Hang on, that sounds just like president barry soetero obongo.

  12. Manhattan Infidel says:

    MK: The similarities are striking. Hopefully that will include both serving only one term.

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