Presidential Bowing Worries Historians

Bowing like this can harm one's back

Bowing like this can harm one’s back

Just back from a trip to the Far East that saw President Obama continue his trend of bowing,  White House physicians are worried that this trend might harm the President’s soft, malleable backbone.

“We first noticed this disturbing trend in Saudi Arabia” said a physician associated with the Administration.  “While we have no objections to the occasional bow, if the body becomes preconditioned to expect one it can have disastrous consequences.”

Historians point to the case of President James Buchanan who had devoted a lifetime to bowing to Southern Plantation interests and found himself unable to resist the tide of secession.  After South Carolina left the Union President Buchanan wrote a letter to a good friend expressing surprise and  bewilderment.

“I’m a nice guy.  Deferential.  I’m certainly no ‘go it alone cowboy’ like that a–hole Polk.  I don’t know what to do next.  I’ve given the South everything they wanted. And still they seceded.  I don’t understand!”

The War of 1812 came about partially because of President Madison’s soft backbone.

“I kept telling the British not to be mean to us and if they continued to be mean to us we’d register a complaint.  Not only did they continue being mean but they burned down my house!  Dolly was barely able to save some dishes. People being mean to me makes me want to cry.”

More recently President Carter, who was born without a backbone, found himself bowing to the Iranian Revolution.

“Can’t we just give them the Shah?  Will that get the hostages back?” asked Carter.  “I’m a nice guy.  Very deferential.  Why does the Ayatollah keeps saying bad things about me?”‘

With record deficits and a militant Iran, Russia and Venezuela threatening Washington, doctors at the White House have asked the President to discontinue his bowing.  They have even given him prescriptions to stiffen his backbone.  It may take weeks for the medications to kick in however.

“I walked past the White House kitchen today and President Obama was bowing to the cook and apologizing for not finishing last night’s meatloaf” said a source who wishes to remain anonymous.  “If this keeps up I’m moving to Canada.”

It appears that whatever medications the White House medical staff have given the President haven’t taken effect yet.  During a ceremony in the Rose Garden today President Obama was interrupted by the family dog Bo.  President Obama bowed to the dog and apologized for America’s role in perpetuating the word “pet.”

“I know you are more than a pet, Bo. You are my animal companion.”

Air Canada has reported a record increase in flights from the U.S.



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