New Celebrity Famine Singles to be Released

Bono is concerned about famine

Bono is concerned about famine

With the Thanksgiving Holiday past and the Christmas season upon us the annual tradition of celebrity famine singles is in full swing.

From his home in Dublin, U2 Frontman Bono said “I remember back in ’86 when me, Bruce, Cyndi, Tina, Lionel and that other guy – no not the drunk from Long Island – the other guy with the fake nose who used to be black –  got together to stop hunger in Africa.  We were wondering what to do.  None of us actually wanted to go to Africa so we did what we as celebrities do best – we made it all about us.”  

The resulting single, “We Are the World” is credited with raising thousands to help stop hunger.  Hoping to harness the same magic Bono and Kanye West have partnered to release the anti-famine single “Stop Starving Already, Will Ya?”  Half the proceeds from the sale of the single will go to buying Toyota Prius’s for Africans affected by famine.

“What’s the saying?  Give a man a fish you feed him for a day. Give him a Prius and you significantly reduce his carbon footprint, enabling him to grow more food.  Well, that’s what Kanye and I are trying to do” said Bono.

Not to be outdone Duran Duran has reformed to release their own anti-famine single.  The new song “We are Duran Duran Please Buy this Song Since Many of us Haven’t had Jobs in Years and are Heavily in Debt” is out now.  Proceeds will go to the Duran Duran Anti-Starvation Fund which will benefit Duran Duran members.

“Hey, famine is famine right?” said Simon LeBon.  “Is that a cookie?  It looks like a cookie.  May I have it?  Seriously.  GIVE ME THE  F*&^(*G COOKIE!”

Combining concern for the environment with hunger, David Bowie has released a song targeting the plight of unemployed coal miners in West Virginia called “The Earth Rapers are Hungry!” with a B side of “Have Yourself a Merry Bisexual Christmas.”

“Naturally as a progressive celebrity I am personally offended by these Red State Americans who rape the environment.  But I’m going to help them to show how superior I am.  How come Simon Le Bon gets a cookie and I don’t?” said Bowie.

In Hollywood Megan Fox has released a spoken word single entitled “Famine is like, bad, you know.  I’m pretty.”

Not content to merely help the less fortunate at Christmas, Bono announced a benefit Valentines Day single for those without dates called “You’re Ugly You’re Obviously Not Going to Get Any Give Me the F*#&*@g Cookie.”

“Helping people.  It’s what I do best” said Bono.


One Response

  1. KingShamus says:

    Sadly, this will occur in the next 5 years. Count on it.

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