The 2009 New York Yankees: MacGyver Would Approve

MacGyver is very proud of the 2009 YankeesA day after bringing out their “C” team, the Yankees once again brought out their “A” team.  Jeter, Teixeira, AROD, Swisher and Damon started.  Once again, behind in the bottom of the 9th, seemingly helpless, the Yankees pulled another miracle victory out of the hat.  If they had only used a shoelace and a paper clip instead of a freak hit MacGyver could have done no better.

But onto the game.  There really is no suspense left in the Yankee season.  That, and the miserably cold night in the Bronx meant a lower than expected crowd.  The stadium felt cold, dark and empty.  Much like my inbox.  (Why doesn’t anyone email me?  God I’m so lonely.)  But I digress.

The Yankees started A.J. Burnett and, in a long-overdue move, had Jose “Unangry Spanish man” catch him instead of Jorge “Angry Spanish man” Posada.  The results of when A.J. pitches to Molina instead of Posada speak for themselves.  Which is good since I don’t feel like pulling up the stats.  The Royals countered with the unknown Anthony Lerew who has pitched a total of 12 games in the majors and had just been called up from Double-A last week.  Just the type of pitcher to give the Yankees fits.

At first it seemed like Lerew would do just that, not allowing a hit until the 6th inning.  With the Yankees losing 1-0 Mark “The anti-Jason Giambi” hit a home run to tie the score.

Manager Joe Girardi brought in Phil “We got coke in the bullpen” Coke with one out in the 7th.  Coke, usually reliable, almost cost the Yankees the game.  A costly throwing error on what should have been a double play allowed Josh Anderson to score.  2-1 Royals.  Coke then got Mitch Maier to ground out to him but instead of throwing home threw to first allowing Alex Gordon to score.  3-1 Royals after 6 1/2.

The Yankees got a run back in the bottom of the 7th when Nick Swisher homered to deep right field.  The ball bounced off the wall and made its way to  front of the bleachers.  A man in my row a few to my left almost got the ball before it bounced back into the box seats.  On the bright side I did get to see myself on the center field scoreboard watching the ball land (almost) next to me.  3-2 Royals after 7.

And so the score stayed until the bottom of the 9th.  MacGyver time.  The Royals brought in ex-Yankee reliever Karl Farnsworth to abundant booing.  It was at this point that I knew the Yankees were going to win. I turned to the man next to me and said “If Farnsworth does for the Royals what he did for the Yankees, this game is ours.”

Pinch hitter Robinson Cano hit a sacrifice fly to deep center allowing Francisco Cervelli to score.  Tie game.  Next up was Juan Miranda who entered the game when Teixeira was pinch run for.  Miranda then hit an infield single that bounced off Farnsworth’s leg and into foul territory between home plate and first base allowing Eric Hinske to score the winning run.  4-3 Yankees.  From his home MacGyver told reporters that having the infield single bounce off Farnworth’s foot was a “stroke of genius” on the part of Joe Girardi and he feels that Girardi has a future as a secret agent.

So my (regular) season ends.  Now the Yankees go on to the ALDS (which I already have tickets for).  As I write this the Red Sox have backed into the Wild Card and will face the Los Angeles of California of Anaheim of California Angels while the Yankees’ opponent has still to be determined.  The Tigers seem intent on blowing their lead and allowing the Twins to capture the division.  Either way it’s good news for the Yankees who have gone 25-8 against the Central Division this year.   I feel confident about the Yankees going into the playoffs.  Then again I felt confident about them going into the 2004 playoffs and that ended with the four darkest days in the history of recorded civilization.  This year will turn out different.

Best heckle of the game:  For some reason the fans started the wave (perhaps because it was so cold they needed to start some circulation in their bodies.)  For those who don’t know we in the bleachers are too cool to do the wave.  Around the statdium the wave went until it got to section 203 where true bleacher creatures did not stand up.  Several started the heckle “The wave is gay save it for Shea” which, admittedly sounded wittier last year before Shea Stadium was torn down and the Mets moved to Shitty, er, City Field.

Reader mail:

S.B. of uptight upstate New York writes “Tattaglia is a pimp. He never could have outfought Santino. But I didn’t know until this day that it was Barzini all along.”

Um.  Okay.

D.B. of Mt. Holly New Jersey writes “I have no corporeal form.  I have evolved beyond it.”

You’re still going to have to pay your taxes so what is the point?

Clement of Rome writes “The height into which love leads is ineffable.”

Goddamn hippie.

Thomas Aquinas writes (and I thought I banned him yesterday…but I guess not):

“The fitness of human life requires man to stand by woman after the sexual act is done.”

Unless it’s Saturday night of course.

Anyway the Yankees have gone 13-2 at games I have attended this year (including one in Chicago at U.S. Cellular Field).

See you at the Playoffs.  Go Yankees!



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