NYU Announces New Spring Offerings

New York University, home of diversity and gender studiesNew York University today announced its complete Spring curriculum, including several new controversial courses.  John Sexton, President of NYU when announcing the schedule said “We wish to emphasize the diversity, forward thinking milieu and commitment to progress that has always been our specialty.”

First among the new offerings is “Gender Bias in the New Testament”, a no-holds barred deconstruction of the four Gospels.

“We were shocked upon reading these so-called histories to discover that Jesus was repeatedly portrayed as a male” said Sexton.  The course will show that Jesus was actually a differentially abled black lesbian with a bipolar disorder and restless leg syndrome and that historic portrayals of Jesus as a male are due to “Greek hatred of the vagina.”

A new course entitled “Neanderthal Extinction:  Natural Selection or Genocide” stresses the theory that Neanderthals were eliminated not from natural causes but instead from a coordinated policy of blonde haired blue eyed Cro-magnons from Northern Europe seeking to eliminate a darker race.  Students taking this course are also advised to take “The White Man:  Is He Really Necessary?”

Climate change will also be studied.  A course entitled “The Ice Age:  Republican Plot?” will discuss new evidence that George W. Bush and Dick Cheney traveled back in time to change the Earth’s climate in an attempt to keep Mexicans from entering the United States.

In addition a new Department of Porn has been created eliminating the old Law and History Departments.  “We found the Law and History courses to be biased and Eurocentric” said Sexton.  The Department of Porn will feature courses on “sexual diversity”, “sexual diversity in groups” and “sexual diversity with toys.”

The Athletic Department has also been eliminated.  “Frankly we fear the effect of men exercising their bodies and making themselves stronger.  We found that they used this as an opportunity to engage in competitive sports.  Isn’t there enough male-centic value judgment in the world already?”

New courses focusing on politics are also offered.  “Founding Fathers in White Face” will focus on the racial identity of Washington, Madison, Jefferson et al.  “All evidence indicates that they were black men” says Sexton.

Sexton also announced that starting in 2011 a new “Department of Socialism” will be created focusing on ways to eliminate the scourge of Capitalism and the struggle for profit.

He then asked all alumni to be generous in their donations.


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