It has stood for two millenium.  Now in ruins, a fragment of its former glory, Hadrian’s Wall on the northern border of England  is going to be rebuilt.

“We realized we were sitting on a tourism goldmine.  Everyone wants to see the wall, such as it exists now.  So why not bring it back to the way it looked 2000 years ago and bring in even more people to see it” said Christopher Rodrigues, Chairman of VisitBritain.  “I don’t need to tell you that with today’s economy anything we can do to bring in money is most welcome.  And if we rebuild the wall obviously there will be the extra benefit of keeping out the Scottish.”

Upon hearing the news that England will be rebuilding the wall, the Scottish Parliament held an emergency session. The Presiding Officer of the Parliament, Alex Fergusson, MSP told the assembled members that “anything England can do Scotland can do better” and announced plans to build an even bigger wall around the entire border of Scotland.

“The English think they’re so clever.  Going to build a wall are they?  Well, we’ll see about that.  We are going to build the biggest wall the world has ever seen.  It’ll surround our entire country.  When we are finished I dare any Scottish person to try to get in.”

The desire to build a wall to keep out the Scottish has become something of an international fad with Argentina, Albania, Italy, The Maldive Islands, Finland, Estonia, Canada, India, Australia, Greenland, Venezuela,  France, Germany, Ireland and Russia all announcing plans to build their own wall.  China declined to join the fad stating “We already have a wall and its been quite effective at keeping out the Scottish.”

From Dublin, Bono announced that a benefit single entitled “We Are the World Keeping Out the Scottish”  has been recorded with all proceeds going to the International Build a Wall to Keep Out the Scottish Fund.

The video to the single was released showing Bono, Bruce Springsteen, Lionel Ritchie, Billy Joel, Cindy Lauper and Kanye West singing the lyrics:

“We are the world/We are the children/We are the ones making a brighter day by keeping out the Scottish/It’s a choice we’re making/We’re saving our own lives/It’s true we’ll make a better day just you and me and no Scottish”

A Public Service Announcement has been filmed with Kanye West promoting the single:

“George Bush doesn’t care about the Scottish.  And neither do I.  Buy the single.  Let’s build a wall.”

England plans to have Hadrian’s Wall rebuilt in time for the 2010 Summer tourist season.

(381)