Cash for Wives Program Halted Due to Huge Demand

Many married men seek to trade in their wivesThe Government-sponsored “Cash For Wives” program has been suspended because the program has run out of money.

“We obviously goofed.  We weren’t anticipating such a huge volume of men who wanted to trade their wives in for cash” declared the Acting Deputy Administrator of the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration.

“We had done such a good job with the ‘Cash for Clunkers’ program that the Administration decided to give us this program as well.  We had an initial budget of 2.5 billion but that was depleted within a week.  When we announced the program our website crashed.

A visit to an authorized trade-in dealer seemed to verify the claim that the program had run out of money and needed to be suspended.  A long line snaked around the block, filled with anxious men eager to trade in their wives. Many had brought their wives with them ready to seal the deal immediately.  When asked how they got their wives to come with them 99% of the men responded, “We lied.”  The most popular lie being “How’d you like a new pair of shoes” followed by “Oprah’s in town.  I have tickets.”

Many men seemed to misunderstand the program and asked if they could trade in their wife for a younger, “Megan Fox” type of model.  When told that all that the Government was authorized to do was give them cash for their wives the husbands, while disappointed at first, all took the money.  Many men did not even bother to haggle over a price but shouted “Just give me the cash.  Take my wife, please!”  Take my wife please was heard so many times that the Program was jokingly called the “Cash for Henny Youngman” Program.

The Government anticipates that the Program will help end the recession.

“Now that the husbands have traded in their wives they will be spending their time patronizing sporting events and strip clubs.  The influx of cash into the economy will be monumental.”

As for the newly traded-in wives the Government plans to stockpile most of them in a “Strategic Wife Reserve” deep in the Rocky Mountains.

“Hey, if we can do it for nuclear waste we can do it for wives” declared an official.


One Response

  1. Dr. Dave says:

    Unfortunately my wife caught me viewing this post and said that if I didn’t comment positively on her behalf she’d divorce me for the 95 percent of our income she does not make as a homebody, and, as such, I am left to imploring the god of thunder to smote me down swiftly with a bolt of lightning so that I may be of service in the afterlife.

    Eyes in the back of the head I find always saves my ass from the fire – The Manhattan Infidel

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