Today in Federal Court The Grinch filed a lawsuit against the citizens of Whoville, claiming “blatant discrimination, housing segregation, loss of self-esteem and job prospects.”

In a 55-page brief The Grinch lays bare his soul and his complaints against the citizens of Whoville.  Page 25, “…..housing discrimination is illegal yet I am relegated to living up on this mountain away from everyone else…” ,  page 41, “….the last time I came into town one of its citizens, a girl by the name of Cindy Lou Who, who is no more than two, held up a sign that said ‘Whoville for Who’s.  Grinch Go Home!’  Now where would she learn to say that if her parents aren’t teaching her to hate my kind…..”,  page 50, “…..I can’t get a job.  When I put down on applications that I live on the mountain I get knowing looks and I’m rejected…..I have problems with self-esteem because of this….”

The Grinch is also asking unspecified damages for “emotional and physical trauma.” Speaking on the steps of Whoville’s courthouse he said “My blood pressure is very high.  We grinch’s are prone to this.  Also my heart is two sizes two small.  You try going up and down the mountain in this condition.  I have heart palpitations, sweating.  Sometimes I black out.  I woke up once half way up the mountain with my dog licking me.”

In addition he is also asking that noise pollution laws be strictly enforced.  “Every Christmas……..the noise and the noise and the noise from the bizzle-binks and other contraptions….what happens? Nothing.  But if I want to play my music Whoville police come up the mountain and harass me.  They bang their nightsticks on my window mocking me with a song they wrote called ‘You’re a mean one Mr. Grinch.’  Some of the lyrics are ‘You’re a foul one Mr. Grinch. You’re a nasty, wasty skunk…you have all the tender sweetness of a seasick crocodile…..the three words to describe you are ‘stink, stank, stunk.’  I mean, c’mon.   I have feelings!”

Lawyers representing the municipality of Whoville are countersuing the Grinch claiming, among other things, that The Grinch once “home-invaded” all the houses in Whoville, stealing all the Christmas toys destined for little boys and girls.

“He even stole the last crumb of cheese that the mouse would have taken.  Also, he terrorized little Cindy Lou Who by stealing her Christmas tree.  When she confronted him he gave her some cock-a-mamie story about the tree having a defective light and taking the tree back to his workshop in the North Pole.  He then gave her some milk laced with some sedative that made her sick.  We had to pump her stomach.  She has nightmares now! Lying and drugging a 2-year old?  Does that sound like the type of person you want to associate with?”

Lawyers for both sides are expected in court later in the week for preliminary hearings.

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