Elmer J. Fudd Arrested in Ponzi Scheme

Elmer J. Fudd before his arrestAmid tight security and flanked by police and private guards, Elmer J. Fudd was led into the U.S. Courthouse in lower Manhattan to answer charges that he defrauded investors of millions in one of the largest Ponzi schemes ever.  As he stood before the judge he was asked his name for the record.

“I am Elmer J. Fudd, millionaire.  I own a mansion and a yacht.”

The judge appeared to not hear him and asked Fudd to repeat himself.

“I said, I am Elmer J. Fudd, millllliiiiooooonaire.  I own a mansion and a yacht.”

This time Fudd spoke louder and drew out the “millionaire” into long syllables, as if to emphasize his status over the judge and the other civil servants who surrounded him.  The prosecution then detailed the indictments against Fudd.  Fudd was formally charged with defrauding investors of  500 million dollars although the exact amount may never be known.  The list of Fudd’s victims includes a veritable who’s who of the rich and famous of America.  Included are Bugs Bunny who Fudd seemed to have a particular animus for, describing him in an undercover audiotape as “that goddamn wascawy wabbit”, Daffy Duck, Sylvester the Cat, Al Gore, Yosemite Sam who lost his entire life’s savings to Fudd, as well as countless middle class investors in Fudd’s scheme.

As the counts of indictment were read there were commotions inside and outside the courthouse.  Outside hundreds of his victims carried signs that read “Death to Fudd” and “No Bail for Monsters.”

Inside Fudd’s rich victims vented.   Sylvester the Cat kept shouting “Suffering succotash shoot the son of a bitch” before he was ordered to be quiet by the judge.  Daffy Duck fumed, telling Fudd to his face, “You’re despicable.” Al Gore read a prepared statement in which he detailed giving Fudd 10 million to invest in wind technology and carbon credits.  “It is an inconvenient truth that Fudd has taken this money and used it to enrich himself and not the starving, drowning, threatened polar bears of the world.”   Last to speak was Yosemite Sam.  Sam drew gasps from the crowd in the courthouse as he detailed how he lost his entire life’s savings to Fudd.  “I used to be the rootenist, tootenist cowboy north, south, east, aaaaand west of the Pecos.  Now I have nothing.  I want that varmint to rot in jail for the rest of his natural life.”

Despite these protests Fudd was granted bail, a decision that infuriated many and lead to Fudd being brought out of the courthouse through the back exit away from the protestors.  Fudd’s lawyers would not speak for the camera but it is rumored that Fudd will go for an insanity defense as he has been often been seen around the Village dressed as a rabbit.  Indeed, he was overheard to tell his lawyer today that “I may be a scwewy wabbit, but I’m not going to Alcatwaz.”

Yosemite Sam has reportedly been placed on a suicide watch.

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