Browsing the archives for the Yankees category

Yankees Lose on Opening Day!

“Nothing give me greater pleasure than playing the game of baseball.  Except for hookers and booze that is. Actually you know what?  Screw baseball. I want my knob polished.” ~ Mickey Mantle And so, much like Walking Dead fans who now will have to wait six  months to find out who Negan killed, Yankee fans […]




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Yankees Season Ends; CC Sabathia Refuses to Stay Drunk for Playoffs!

Disappointing legions of baseball fans, CC Sabathia entered rehab the day before the wild card game. “Today I am checking myself into an alcohol rehabilitation center to receive the professional care and assistance needed to treat my disease” said the heft lefty. I love baseball and I love my teammates like brothers, and I am also […]




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Yankees Crush, Kill and Destroy the Abomination of Desolation

“Hey, she gave me VD!” ~ Babe Ruth Coming off a 6-4 homestand the first place New York Yankees opened a home stand against the last place Boston Red Sox.  I’ll say that again.  The first place Yankees opened up a homestand against the last place Red Sox.  I like saying that.  Last place Red […]




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Yankees Beat Constitutional Monarch Felix and the Mariners; Manhattan Infidel Wears Pants

“I’m insulted!” ~ Robinson Cano On a blazingly hot 97 degree day in the Bronx caused by global warming climate change f*cking summer the Yankees battled the Seattle Mariners to a 2-1 victory. It was CC Sabathia (4-8 5.25) against Constitutional Monarch Felix Hernandez (11-5 2.77).  It was the pitchers’ duel I had hoped for. […]




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Yankees Beat Oakland (The Chinese Stock Market Edition)

“Are they letting ethnic types in the game now?” ~ Billy Martin On an oppressively humid and rain-filled night in the Bronx (hey, Innominatus quit sending us your left coast rain forest weather) that saw the return of Jacoby Ellsbury and Andrew Miller from stints on the DL the Yankees battled the Philadelphia, Kansas City, Oakland Athletics. […]




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America! F*ck Ya! Yankees Beat Tampa in Extra Innings to Start July 4th Weekend!

“Hey, what is the ground doing up here at 10,000 feet?” ~ Thurman Munson On a suspiciously mild (my liberal masters call it “climate change”) July 3rd Friday night in the Bronx the Yankees opened up a homestand against the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays. The Yankees started Masahiro Tanaka (4-3 3.94) and the Rays Chris […]




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On Father’s Day Yankees Prove That Fatherhood is a Bourgeois Construct

“I self-identify as a gay, black, fatherless unicorn from Mars.  It is my lived experience” ~ Mark Teixeira And so on Father’s Day in the Bronx, one day after beating Detroit 14-3 the Tigers had their revenge and beat the Yankees 12-4 proving once again that God is dead and fatherhood is a lie promulgated […]




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Piñeda Strikes Out Nine as Yankees Beat Miami Marlins

“Baseball is the greatest thing in the world.  Except for hookers who suck my d*ck” ~ Babe Ruth After losing the first two in a home-away series, the Yankees and the Marlins traveled to the Bronx for the final two games.  The Yankees started Michael Piñeda (8-3 3.54) while the Marlins countered with José Urina […]




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On Memorial Day the Yankees Assassinate the Royals

“Where does it say you can’t kill the Royals?” ~ The New York Yankees. And so on Memorial Day, the slumping Yankees who have lost ten out of 11 and are officially colder than a witches tit, squared off against the Kansas City Royals, who hold the best record in baseball.  It was an assassination.  […]




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Yankees Beat Baltimore; Piñeda Strikes Out 16 and the Tyranny of Pink

“I have a vision that one day baseball fans will be forced to wait in line to go through metal detectors to see the greatest game ever” ~ Babe Ruth on a meth binge. And so on a hot and humid day in the Bronx the first place Yankees finished their homestand against the Baltimore […]




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