Browsing the archives for the Yankees category

This Just In: The Yankees STILL Hate Manhattan Infidel!

“Why does it hurt when I pee?” ~ Mickey Mantle Having won the first two games of their series against the Tampa Bay (-Devil) Rays the Yankees went for the sweep. It was a beautiful Sunday afternoon in the Bronx. What could possibly go wrong. The Yankees started Michael Pineda (1-2 6.95) while the Rays […]




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It’s Official: The Yankees Hate Manhattan Infidel!

“Today I consider myself really, really screwed” ~ Lou Gehrig After losing a tight one in extra innings to the Athletics the Yankees met for game two in the Bronx. The Yankees started Nathan Eovaldi (0-2 6.11) and the Philadelphia Kansas City Oakland Athletics countered with Kendall Graveman (1-1 2.04). The Yankees scored first in […]




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Yankees Lose to Mariners (And Robby Cano, Don’t Ya Know!)

“I run a clean clubhouse. And by that I mean no blacks” ~ Billy Martin And so on a balmy 60 degree day in the Bronx (ah, but if only the game had been played during the day) the Yankees started a homestand against the Seattle Pilots Mariners and the 240 million dollar man, Robinson […]




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Yankees Lose on Opening Day!

“Nothing give me greater pleasure than playing the game of baseball.  Except for hookers and booze that is. Actually you know what?  Screw baseball. I want my knob polished.” ~ Mickey Mantle And so, much like Walking Dead fans who now will have to wait six  months to find out who Negan killed, Yankee fans […]




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Yankees Season Ends; CC Sabathia Refuses to Stay Drunk for Playoffs!

Disappointing legions of baseball fans, CC Sabathia entered rehab the day before the wild card game. “Today I am checking myself into an alcohol rehabilitation center to receive the professional care and assistance needed to treat my disease” said the heft lefty. I love baseball and I love my teammates like brothers, and I am also […]




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Yankees Crush, Kill and Destroy the Abomination of Desolation

“Hey, she gave me VD!” ~ Babe Ruth Coming off a 6-4 homestand the first place New York Yankees opened a home stand against the last place Boston Red Sox.  I’ll say that again.  The first place Yankees opened up a homestand against the last place Red Sox.  I like saying that.  Last place Red […]




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Yankees Beat Constitutional Monarch Felix and the Mariners; Manhattan Infidel Wears Pants

“I’m insulted!” ~ Robinson Cano On a blazingly hot 97 degree day in the Bronx caused by global warming climate change f*cking summer the Yankees battled the Seattle Mariners to a 2-1 victory. It was CC Sabathia (4-8 5.25) against Constitutional Monarch Felix Hernandez (11-5 2.77).  It was the pitchers’ duel I had hoped for. […]




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Yankees Beat Oakland (The Chinese Stock Market Edition)

“Are they letting ethnic types in the game now?” ~ Billy Martin On an oppressively humid and rain-filled night in the Bronx (hey, Innominatus quit sending us your left coast rain forest weather) that saw the return of Jacoby Ellsbury and Andrew Miller from stints on the DL the Yankees battled the Philadelphia, Kansas City, Oakland Athletics. […]




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America! F*ck Ya! Yankees Beat Tampa in Extra Innings to Start July 4th Weekend!

“Hey, what is the ground doing up here at 10,000 feet?” ~ Thurman Munson On a suspiciously mild (my liberal masters call it “climate change”) July 3rd Friday night in the Bronx the Yankees opened up a homestand against the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays. The Yankees started Masahiro Tanaka (4-3 3.94) and the Rays Chris […]




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On Father’s Day Yankees Prove That Fatherhood is a Bourgeois Construct

“I self-identify as a gay, black, fatherless unicorn from Mars.  It is my lived experience” ~ Mark Teixeira And so on Father’s Day in the Bronx, one day after beating Detroit 14-3 the Tigers had their revenge and beat the Yankees 12-4 proving once again that God is dead and fatherhood is a lie promulgated […]




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