Breaking News: The Yankees Really Really Really Hate Manhattan Infidel!

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“How was I to know she was underage?  I mean she told me but she could have been lying.” ~ Joe Pepitone

Attendance down? I see no evidence of this.

Attendance down? I see no evidence of this.

On a cold, rainy, ugly night in the Bronx the Yankees started a three-game home stand against the team with the best record in the AL, the Chicago White Sox.

The Yankees started Luis Severino who hadn’t won a game this year while the White Sox started Chris Sale, who hadn’t lost a game this year. The results were as expected.

Oh sure Sale could have lost and Severino could have won. But seeing as I was at the game the Yankees continued their practice of losing just to spite me.

The White Sox got on the board in the top of the second when they batted round and scored three times.  Brett Lawrie led off with a double. After Avisail Garcia flied out to center field Alex Avila doubled to left field scoring Lawrie.  After former top Yankee prospect Austin Jackson walked and Adam Eaton singled to load the bases, Jose Abreu singled home Jackson and Eaton. 3-0 White Sox after 1 1/2.

In the bottom of the second the Yankees got their only run of the game when Chase Headley hit an 0-1 pitch over the left field wall. 3-1 White Sox after two.

In the top of the third the White Sox pulled away and scored four more times. After Alex Avila singled and Austin Jackson walked for the second of three times in the game Adam Eaton doubled them both home. Jimmy Rollins, a washed up shell of his former self, came to the plate. Normally he’d strike out but seeing as I was at the game he homered on a 1-1 pitch.  7-1 White Sox after 2 1/2.

Severino was taken out of the game in the third inning and placed on the DL. Is he injured? Maybe. But more likely the Yankees want him to clear his head and not pitch for awhile.

That was all the scoring in the game.  Severino (0-6 7.46) took the loss while Sale (8-0 1.67) was the winner.  Sale needed only 99 pitches for the complete game win, giving up one run on six hits, while not walking anyone and striking out six.

Notes on the game:

As I mentioned, Chris Sale pitched a complete game, which is a rare as an episode of the Walking Dead that doesn’t suck. I mean come on zombies, eat them already. The game lasted 2 hours and 50 minutes, another rarity as games nowadays are obligated to last 3 1/2 to four hours.

What can baseball do to improve game times?  Simple.  Banish the pitch count.  Nothing slows down a game more than a pitch count. Instead of letting the game flow normally if a pitcher gets close to the magic number of 100 pitches the bullpen gets up. And once the bullpen gets involved the game slows down to a crawl and becomes a game of attrition. Who will last the longest? The players or the bored fans?

So get rid of the pitch count. Being a realist I know that isn’t going to happen. Instead why not make all pitchers long relief? Starting pitching is irrelevant.  Starters can’t get out of the 5th inning and if they do their elbows explode into a million fragments. Just have one pitcher pitch the first three innings, a second do the fourth, fifth and six and a third do the seventh, eighth and ninth. Problem solved. No more pitch count to worry about. No more innings limits. And the game will be much quicker.

One of the annoying things the Yankees do (besides charge $1000 for seats behind home  plate) is every seventh inning stretch they bring out “an honored member of our armed services” and play God Bless America.

I hate this. It’s not 2001 anymore and I’m weary and tired of the police/security state we live in thanks to the Bush/Obama administration. You really want to support our troops? Don’t send them overseas to fight useless fucking “nation building” wars that drain our treasury, destroy young lives and lower our prestige overseas.

I’m an isolationist now. Let the rest of the world go to hell.

There is no word on whether the Yankees will be letting those who self-identify as women use the woman’s room. I’m sure that’s a civil rights case in the making.

Best heckle of the game:

I tried but my heckle of, “Semen belongs to the perfection of the begetter. and is released by a natural and pleasurable operation” didn’t fire up the crowd. Perhaps they were in their refractory period.

Recommended reading material:

Nightmare Town: The Collected Stories of Dashiell Hammett.

Reader mail:

A.P of Poughkeepsie writes, “A certain affinity arises from natural generation, and this is an impediment to marriage.”

I hear you brother.  Spread your seed far and wide!

S.J. of Minneapolis writes, “Woman is naturally subject to man, because in man the discretion of reason predominates.”

I hear you sister. Women! Am I right or am I right?

L.T. of Queens writes, “The production of woman comes from defect in the active force or from some material indisposition, or even some external influence, such as that of a south wind, which is moist.”

I love it when you talk dirty.

And so my record this year stands at 0-5.  They have to win one game I go to this year? Don’t they?  I mean it’s just the law of averages.

My next game is Wednesday May 25th against the Toronto Blue Jays.

Go Yankees!

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