The woman in the nursing home held a baby seal in her lap.  The seal would open her eyes, blink and coo when talked to.  Only the seal was not real.  It was robotic. A young man held his date’s hand and whispered into her ear. Only she was not real.  She was robotic. These […]

Stunned by his outcast status in Hollywood, former box office champ Mel Gibson has launched a campaign to rehabilitate his image. Gibson’s first priority:  finding a 13-year old girl to sodomize. “I have seen the outpouring of support for Roman Polanski in Hollywood” said Gibson.  “And if it worked for Polanski then I’m willing to […]

Popular Hollywood celebrity Porky Pig has been arrested while driving on the Pacific Coast Highway in Malibu, California. Shortly after 2:30 am PST police stopped Mr. Pig in his Lexus LS 430 for driving 87 miles an hour in a 45 mph zone.  Police noticed an open bottle of Cazadores Tequila which was half empty […]

Responding to numerous complaints, the makers of the Vic Morrow bobble head doll, part of the “Legends of Hollywood” series, have announced a recall of the product. “I’ve always been a fan of Vic Morrow, going back to his days on the Combat TV show” said one customer.  “So I bought a Vic Morrow bobble […]

Ever since the movie Field of Dreams came out in the late ’80s, farmers across the United States have been plowing under their corn to build baseball diamonds.  Unfortunately, unlike in the movie their efforts have met with mixed results. “I was hoping to make money off of the baseball field like the guy in […]

Scientists at the Theoretical Physics Department of M.I.T. announced today that they have found the origin of the elusive substance known as dark matter:  Chuck Cunningham, older brother of Ritchie Cunningham from popular ’70s sitcom Happy Days. After careful review of all episodes of Happy Days that featured the mysterious and elusive Chuck Cunningham and […]

Amid mounting criticism Major Tony Nelson of NASA has announced his resignation.  The growing scandal, dubbed “JeannieGate” by the press has threatened future funding for the organization at a time when the United States space program is already at an all time low. “We have no space program now.  We have to depend of other […]

Today on the Yellow Brick Road an accident involving 20 cars killed two pedestrians, tentatively identified as “Tin Man” and “Scarecrow.” Around 8:30 AM during the height of the morning rush hour four pedestrians were noticed holding hands and dancing along the side of the Yellow Brick Road, the only non-toll road leading to Emerald […]

When seven castaways were rescued from a tropical island, the skipper of the charter boat might have thought his problems were over.  But they were just beginning. The Skipper, founder of S.S. Minnow Island Charter, Inc., has denied all wrongdoing in the beaching of his boat and subsequent stranding of his passengers, including a multimillionaire […]

With crowds watching the Jumbotron in Times Square, NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell announced that the 2014 Super Bowl has been awarded to “the great City of New York.  And by that I mean East Rutherford, New Jersey.” The announcement brought a sight of relief from New York’s (and East Rutherford, New Jersey’s) thousands of prostitutes. […]