Notorious gunman Shane appeared today before a special senate subcommittee on gun violence.  His testimony was highly anticipated and the audience was packed as the cable news networks covered the event in its entirety. Dianne Feinstein: Good morning Mr. Shane.  We thank you for coming to this committee.  As you know we are currently in […]

Greetings recent graduates.    Having completed college you are about to embark on your careers.  Most will become teachers, fireman or in some capacity work for the government.  A few of you will get jobs in the private sector. But have you considered a career in the NSA? As an employee of the NSA you will […]

As many may already know, New York City has recently started the world’s largest bike share program.  Hailed as pro-environment, the bike share program will allow New Yorkers to pick up a bike at any of the designated kiosks for the low price of 95 dollars per year. Naturally a new program like this will […]

No new post today.  I’m playing hookie.  Why?  Because I’m Manhattan Infidel, dammit.  And I can. But Before I go I’d like to leave you with these thoughts. The autocorrect on my computer wishes to change “hookie” to “honky.”  Now that would change the post considerably.  And I’m not even sure one can play so-called […]

An 18-year old girl in Florida has been arrested and charged with a second degree felony after authorities learned that she had a sexual relationship with her underage girlfriend. The girls began their sexual relationship in the bathroom of the the school the two attended.  According to the complaint they allegedly had relations on a […]

With the many scandals now surrounding the Obama administration many have asked yours truly to stop texting them photos of my penis when I will apply my world famous templates to this.  Always willing to listen to my public except when they get restraining orders I now present for your edification the Obama Scandal Template™. […]

A soccer-loving man who planned to dribble a soccer ball from Seattle Washington to Sao Paulo, Brazil to watch the 2014 World Cup was run over and killed in Lincoln City, Oregon just 14 days into his journey. The man, whom local police refer to as “The soccer loving idiot” was dribbling his blue soccer […]

Parents, fellow teachers and school administrators are dealing with the fallout after a popular high school teacher admitted that she hasn’t slept with any of her students. “Teenage boys just aren’t my thing” she told shocked colleagues. The principal of the teacher in question has asked for calm and sent out a letter to parents […]

Sometimes being a world-famous blogger my mugshot is in every precinct in the Northeast has decided advantages.  The other day I received an invitation in the mail from none other than power couple Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie “requesting the honor of your presence” at their estate in France.  Needless to say I jumped at […]

In breaking news a local man who is credited with coining the phrase “It’s never too late” has died unexpectedly. “He always had a smile on his face.  He was always optimistic” said one neighbor. “A fresh beam of sunshine, he was” said another. His catch mark encouragement became well-known around town. “I remember when […]