A gun is a tool

Notorious gunman Shane appeared today before a special senate subcommittee on gun violence.  His testimony was highly anticipated and the audience was packed as the cable news networks covered the event in its entirety.

Dianne Feinstein: Good morning Mr. Shane.  We thank you for coming to this committee.  As you know we are currently in the grips of an epidemic of gun violence in America.

Shane:  I wouldn’t call it an epidemic ma’am.  In fact gun violence is down.

Dianne Feinstein: Would you do me a favor and address me as senator and not ma’am?

Shane: Yes senator.  As I was saying gun violence is down.

Dianne Feinstein: I have to disagree with you.  Gun violence is up.  Every day there is another shooting in a school.  We have to ban guns.  It’s for the children.  I feel the country would be much better if every last gun disappeared.

Shane: A gun is a tool senator Feinstein.  No better or worse than any other tool, a shovel, an axe or anything.  A gun is only as bad or as good as the man using it.  Remember that.

Dianne Feinstein: You dare preach to me?

Shane: You’re from the 1960s.  Your days have come to an end.

Dianne Feinstein: My days? What about yours, gunfighter?

Shane: The difference is I know it.

Dianne Feinstein: So what do you propose I do about it?  Hand over my guns to my bodyguards and start harvesting potatoes?

Shane: Not just yet.

At this point a man in the audience stood up and attempted to shoot Senator Feinstein.  Shane shot him dead before he was able to get a round off.

Dianne Feinstein: Shane thank you.  Thank you.  You saved me life.  Is he (the gunman) dead?

Shane: Yes he’s dead.  I got to be going on.

Dianne Feinstein: Why Shane?

Shane: A man has to be what he is, Senator Feinstein.  Can’t break the mold.  I tried it and it didn’t work for me.

Dianne Feinstein: We want you.  The Senate committee wants you.

Shane: Senator Feinstein, there’s no living with……with a killing.  There’s no going back from one.  Right or wrong, it’s a brand.  A brand sticks.  There’s no going back.  Now you run on home to your constituents and tell them……tell them everything’s alright.  And there aren’t any more guns on Capitol hill. 

Senator Feinstein notices Shane is wounded.

Senator Feinstein:  It’s bloody. You’re hurt!

Shane: I’m alright.  You go home to your constituents and grow up to be strong and straight.

Senator Feinstein:  Shane!  Shane come back. The committee’s got things for you to do.  And I want you.  I know I do!

And with that a wounded Shane rode off into the sunset.  The special Senate subcommittee on gun violence will resume next week.

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