Mueller Indicts Wile E. Coyote!

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The Russians have the most to gain from the destruction of our environment

 

 

 

 

 

 

Special prosecutor Robert Mueller today indicted Wile E. Coyote for colluding with the Russians to damage America’s pristine southwestern desert environment.

“For years Mr. Coyote has destroyed the environment” read the 200-page indictment.

Using Acme Corporation, a Russian shell company, he has used a variety of rockets, giant anvils and other devices to wreak havoc upon the environment. The State shall prove that Mr. Coyote, a close friend of President Trump, was blackmailed by the Russians because of Mr. Coyote’s fondness for Russian prostitutes. A dossier has been compiled detailing Mr. Coyote’s actions in Russia during a Miss Universe contest. Thus compromised Mr. Coyote weakened our environment thereby helping the Russians. The State shall show that he did this with the full knowledge of then-candidate Trump.

While some have commented that Mueller’s indictment of the cartoon character is “strange” many feel that Mueller is casting an even wider net in a desperate attempt to find “collusion goods” against the President.

“Mueller is desperate” said one commentator.

He has been investigating for over a year and has found no evidence that candidate Trump colluded with the Russians. He has to justify the existence of his special prosecutor’s office and will indict anyone on any specious ground who has any ties to President Trump. This is what this is all about. He’s hoping Wile E. Coyote “turns” and offers evidence of collusion.

Mr. Coyote has been arrested and placed in 24-hour solitary confinement in hopes that he will indeed turn on Trump.

Coyote’s lawyer calls the arrest a travesty and is hoping to get all charges dropped.

“My client is innocent” he declared.

This is a government railroading of a private citizen as part of a deep state coup to take down a constitutionally elected president. The so-called “pee pee” dossier compiled against Mr. Coyote is false and a defamation of his character. I call upon the special prosecutor to drop these charges. I call upon President Trump to fire the special prosecutor and release my client. It is a matter of justice. My client’s only crime is using Acme products. Hey the reviews my client read were good. It’s not his fault the rocket he was strapped to misfired and destroyed a rock face instead of helping Mr. Coyote catch up with the roadrunner, who as we all know is very fast. If anything the board of directors of Acme should be in solitary confinement and not my client.

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Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News Breaking News 

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Wile E. Coyote has been seriously injured inside the supermax prison where he is being held.

“It was the strangest thing I’ve even seen” said a guard.

“He ordered some paint from Acme Corporation and painted a railroad tunnel on his cell wall. Then a train came through the tunnel and ran him over. Poor bastard got squished. I mean he looks like a Sloppy Joe now. I suppose I should feel bad but right now I’m just pissed about being stuck with the cleanup.”

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2 Comments

2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    High time that Russian spy got what was coming to him.

    It was HER TURN.

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