My Exclusive Interview with Maxine Waters

Mombo dogface in the banana patch!









Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ (I report you send me nudes) I have the pleasure of interviewing congresswoman Maxine Waters from California’s 43rd Congressional District.

MI: Good afternoon congresswoman Waters.

MW: Mombo dogface in the banana patch!

MI:Um. What?

MW: All green of skin… 800 centuries ago, their bodily fluids include the birth of half-breeds. For the fundamental truth self-determination of the cosmos, for dark is the suede that mows like a harvest.

MI: I don’t understand.

MW:  I’d been thinkin’ about Mars when there wasn’t no Mars. 

MI: I –

MW:We come in peace! We come in peace!

MI: Are you insane?

MW: Legally no. But that’s only because they asked the wrong questions on the psych evaluation.

MI: Okay. Let’s talk about your recent comments. You told a crowd of supporters that if they see any of Donald Trump’s cabinet members to get in their face and give them no peace. Do you believe this was wise? Do you think comments like that invite retribution?

MW: No. God is on my side. If you see anybody from that cabinet in a restaurant, in a department store, at a gasoline station, you get out and you create a crowd. You push back on them. Tell them they’re not welcome anymore, anywhere!

MI: That’s highly charged language. Are you sure you’re not worried about payback?

[A hawk swoops down and lands on congresswoman Waters’ chin. It then steals her false teeth and flies away]

MW: My false teeth! That Republican bird was sent by Donald Trump to steal my teeth! Dark is the suede!  Dark is the suede!

[She runs away screaming]

MI: Well that was odd. I guess that ends this –

[Kino Jimenez enters] 

You ain’t supporting shit, nigga!












KJ:  What is that on your head?  WHAT IS THAT ON YOUR HEAD?

MI: It’s my New York Yankee cap.

[Jimenez rips the cap off Manhattan Infidel’s head and throw’s Manhattan Infidel’s soft drink in his face]

KJ: You ain’t supporting shit, nigga! This will look good in my fireplace.

MI: Um. Okay. Have fun with that.

[Jimenez walks away]

MI: This has been a very strange interview.

[Stephanie Wilkerson, the owner of the Red Hen restaurant in Lexington, Virginia who refused to serve Sara Huckabee enters] 









SW: Get out!

MI: What?

SW: I said get out!  I cannot serve you! I feel very strongly and passionately about this. I am morally superior to you and have the right to refuse to serve you.

MI: But this is my kitchen. You are in my kitchen.

SW: Doesn’t matter. Like my Democratic forebears during the Civil Rights era I reserve the right to refuse to serve people sitting at my lunch counter.

MI: But this is my kitchen. You are literally standing in my kitchen. 

SW:  President Trump is being mean to Hispanics

[She starts to sing]

SW: I believe that Hispanics are our are future/ Teach them well and let them lead the way/ Show them all the beauty they possess inside.

MI: Okay well you’re still in my kitchen.  I own it. It is my property.

[Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez enters] 

Ariba ariba andale andale!









AO-C: Private property is evil, comrade and when elected to congress in November I will vote to outlaw it.

SW: Are you Hispanic?

AO-C: Si, si!

SW:[Singing] Give Hispanics a sense of pride to make it easier/ Let Hispanic laughter remind us how we used to be.

AO-C:  The gringo. She speak very good.

MI: Right. I’m out of here. I’m heading down to the pub. Lock up when you leave.

And so ended another bizzare interview. Strange things keep happening to me. It’s almost like I’m making it all up.



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