Oompa Loompa Punched in Face; Told to “Shut the Hell Up!”

Hey I call it as I see it. Just saying…..







New York City has once again fallen victim to a hate crime, an all too common event in this age of Trump after NYPD officers were called to a Starbucks in midtown responding to reports of  a disturbance.

“When we arrived we saw an Oompa Loompa calmly sipping his Mocha Grande or whatever the hell the call it” said one of the officers.

We asked what happened and he said, “Hey, I just call it as I see it. If people get offended it’s not my problem. Some lady came in here with a fat kid. I mean this kid looked like an upright cow. So I did my thing. I started singing ‘Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo, I’ve got a perfect puzzle for you. Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee, If you are wise you’ll listen to me. What do you get when you guzzle down sweets? Eating as much as an elephant eats. What are you at getting terribly fat? What do you think will come of that?’ I was trying to shame the kid to help him. The mother didn’t much like it and called you guys. Hey, I’m just a truth telling Oompa Loompa.”  Well there is no law against being a truth telling Oompa Loompa so we told the mother there was nothing we could do. She left in a huff.

The police were about to leave when another mother arrived with her bratty daughter.

Damned if the little short orange dude didn’t start doing it again. He was singing “Oompa Loompa doompadee doo I’ve got another puzzle for you Oompa Loompa doompadee dee If you are wise you will listen to me Who do you blame when your kid is a brat Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat? Blaming the kids is a lion of shame You know exactly who’s to blame:The mother and the father!”  Now granted the kid was a brat but sometimes you just have to shut up and mind your own business. 

At this point the officers told the Ooompa Loompa he’d have to leave.

That’s when the little orange shit got all up in my face and started singing “Oompa Loompa doompadee doo I’ve got another puzzle for you Oompa Loompa doompadee dee If you are wise you will listen to me What do you get as a civil servant? a lifetime of barely staying a float.”   I had enough of him. I was about to punch him in the face. My partner told me not to do it. “Remember your pension” So the Oompa Loompa says “Oompa Loompa doomadee doo don’t count on that cushy pension. Your municipality is broke broke broke broke broke.”  That’s when my partner punched him in the face.

Starbucks has apologized for the pain and suffering the Oompa Loompa encountered in one of its stores and has awarded him $500,000 and free coffee at any Starbucks in the United States.

“Starbucks does not condone hatred in any form. We believe that $500,000 and free coffee ought to satisfy the little orange shit” said its CEO.


2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    OMG, I’d almost forgotten John Boehner but you’ve brought it all back. Thanks, Infidel.

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