Batman and Robin Killed in ATF Standoff!

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Dangerous white militia members!

 

 

 

 

 

Unpopular and mistrusted masked vigilantes Batman and Robin were killed today by agents from the ATF after a tense 53-day standoff.

“It appears they both burned to death after the Batcave caught fire” said the ATF agent in charge of the standoff.

Since this standoff started in March our top priority has been the safety of Gotham’s fellow citizens. Batman and Robin were a menace who operated a meth lab and were building a stockpile of assault utility belts. These so-called automatic assault utility belts are illegal. One may own a semi-automatic assault utility belt but not a full assault one. We had a warrant to search the Batcave. Batman resisted us and opened fire. I know the security footage shows ATF agents firing first but the footage must have been tampered with. During the raid in March Batman and Robin killed four ATF agents, showing their blatant disregard for human life. Regrettably in the fog of battle Bruce Wayne’s butler, Alfred Pennyworth was also killed. Though why Bruce Wayne’s butler was in the Batcave and Batman’s ties to Bruce Wayne remain unanswered questions at the moment.

After the first unsuccessful raid in March agents as well as Batman and Robin prepared for a long siege.  The ATF cut off Batman’s electricity and his access to phones and the internet, blocking the alt-right racist from getting his side of the story out to sympathetic media.

Determined to end the siege and bring Batman and Robin to justice the ATF arranged for M728 Combat Engineer Vehicles loaded with CS gas to flush out the duo.

On the fateful day of the final siege the ATF delivered 40-millimeter CS grenade fire from M79 grenade launchers for several hours. When Batman and Robin did not exit the Batcave the ATF arranged for dozens of plastic Ferret Model SGA-400 Liquid CS rounds, two metal M651E1 military pyrotechnic tear gas rounds, two metal NICO Pyrotechnik Sound & Flash grenades, and parachute illumination flares to be used on the Batcave.

With Batman and Robin still hunkered in the Batcave the ATF brought in the CEVs to punch holes in the compound.

At around noon, three fires broke out almost simultaneously in different parts of the Batcave and spread quickly, though the ATF maintains that the fires were started by Batman and Robin to cover their escape.  Batman and Robin subsequently perished in the inferno.

Although the ATF’s actions during the siege are controversial the agency denies any wrongdoing.

Batman and Robin were a menace. A threat to civil order. The use and abuse of assault utility belts falls under the ATF’s jurisdiction. The subsequent blaze and deaths are no ones fault but Batman and Robin. History will show that this siege was a shining moment for the ATF. 

The bodies of Batman and Robin have been buried in an unmarked location for fear of fellow assault utility belt wearers using the graves as a rallying point.

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