A very unpopular woman

The crew of the USS Voyager, stranded in the Delta Quadrant 70,000 light years from Earth, has voted their Captain, Kathryn Janeway, as “The Most Unpopular Captain in the History of Star Fleet Ever!”

“The choice was pretty unanimous” said First Officer Chakotay (pictured here)

My kind are oppressed!

Granted she is the ONLY captain in the Delta Quadrant but still we had no qualms about naming her as such. I mean here we are. At top warp speed we are still 75 years travel away from Earth. Seventy five years!  Most of us will probably die here in space without seeing Earth again. And we blame the Captain. It was her stupid decisions that got us trapped here. The crew have thought of mutiny. But that would put me in charge and apparently putting a native American in charge is too much for them. Oh sure a Klingon or a Vulcan that’s just fine. But no. Put good old me in charge and suddenly everyone loses their mind. You know maybe it’s a good thing we won’t see Earth again. I’d probably just end up using our phasers and photon torpedoes to destroy places where the white man lives. Screw everybody. And you know the worst thing?  No f*cking green woman anywhere in the Delta Quadrant. Come on! I’m a Star Fleet officer. What’s the point of being in space if I can’t get a little green woman action? I mean I tried humping Seven of Nine but her Borg implants nearly shredded my penis.

Ensign Kim (pictured here)

Minority? Hell no I’m Asian!

seconded Chakotay’s statement about Janeway’s unpopularity and the desire of the crew to kill her.

I had a girlfriend back on Earth. Yes. A live one. And we had sex. Me. Having sex with a real woman. Now I’m on Voyager and will be for 75 years apparently and I can’t get any action. None. You’d think I was Geordi LaForge or something. I bet you Janeway won’t even promote me. I’ll be stuck at the rank of ensign my entire career. I’d kill Janeway but that would put Chakotay in command. And you know how native Americans are. Always smoking their peace pipes and doing rain dances. Give me a Klingon or a Vulcan any day. Everyone says I should have sympathy for minorities. Why? Because I’m Asian? Technically yes we are a minority. But not one of those minorities if you know what I mean. Hint hint. Wink wink.

Despite the crew’s unanimous vote of unpopularity Captain Janeway remains convinced that they will return to Earth and that the crew will stick together.

“We are a family” said Janeway.

And families have rough stretches. But will will remain united as we attempt to get back to the Alpha quadrant. I have nothing but love and respect for all my officers. Well except for Seven of Nine (pictured here).

Assimilate my breasts!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can’t stand that bitch. I’m not just saying that because her breasts are larger than mine. Okay maybe I am. But I’m the captain, dammit! I’m supposed to have the largest breasts on the ship! It’s in the goddamn Star Fleet manual.

Seven of Nine was in her regeneration alcove and could not be reached but issued the following statement:

“I look forward to working with Captain Janeway and once my regeneration cycle is complete will attempt to have relations with Commander Chakotay. That is assuming his penis has recovered from its wounds.”

(27)