Someone please watch my show. No seriously I’m on TV!

As the entire civilized world now knows(1) Joy Reid, one of the lower-rated cable hosts on low-rated MSNBC has come in for criticism from Social Justice Warriors(2) when it was revealed that a blog(3) she worked on over a decade ago contained homophobic statements(4). She claims her blog was hacked.

Being a fair and impartial man(5) I decided to read her old blog to judge for myself.  What follows are actual excerpts.(6)

Most straight men cringe at the sight of two men kissing.  Adult gay men tend to be attracted to very young, post-pubescent types.(7)

May 23, 2007

Can there be any doubt that Roger Moore was a much better James Bond than Sean Connery?(8)

July 23, 2008

History will show that James Buchanan was our greatest president ever.(9)

September 6, 2008

What the hell?  I’m black!  Okay but this doesn’t stop the fact that spiritually I am a white male (10)

December 25, 2008

I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That’s my dream; that’s my nightmare. Crawling, slithering, along the edge of a straight razor… and surviving.

February 30, 2009 (11)

I believe that there is intelligent life on Mars. I believe I am part Martian. (12)

March 23, 2009

I believe our Constitution is a living, breathing document to be judged according to the times.  I also believe Post Raisin Bran is better than Kellogg’s Raisin Bran (13)

Footnotes:

(1) No one gives a shit. Seriously. No one gives a shit.

(2) Social Justice Warriors:  A nice name put to annoying nerds who cannot get laid.

(3) Bloggers. What scum!  Kill them all. Am I right?

(4) Homophobic statements:  A common-sense statement everyone secretly agrees with but is afraid to say so for fear of the annoying nerds who cannot get laid (see no.2).

(5) Show me your tits, please.

(6) Actual excerpts:  No actual excerpts were used in the making of this post.  I mean who the hell reads blogs?  Probably the same idiots who floss.

(7) See no. 4.

(8)  An obvious false statement. Everybody knows George Lazenby was the best James Bond.

(9) It’s time Buchanan got some respect. His top priority after the election of 1860 was avoiding civil war and bloodshed. It’s no coincidence that it wasn’t until Lincoln became President that the war started.

(10) Cognitive dissonance.

(11) There hasn’t been a February 30th for well over a decade. Evidence of hacking.

(12) See no. 10.  Perhaps Matt Damon is her spirit animal.

(13) Evidence of insanity perhaps. Who in their right mind prefers Post Rasin Bran over Kelloggs?

Having fairly and impartially (see no. 5) reviewed the available evidence I believe Joy Reid’s blog was hacked. Perhaps by Russians. Perhaps by the shadowy secret double agent known as the Lone Star Parson.

Let the reader decide.

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