Clintons Open Laundromat!

You got cash you want laundered?








America’s sweethearts, Bill and Hillary Clinton, have announced a new joint venture: They will run a laundromat catering to their high-end friends.

“Everybody needs something laundered” said Bill Clinton.

Let’s say you have more than $47,100 lying around that you want to contribute to your favorite politician. Normally you would not be able to do that without violating campaign finance laws. And that just isn’t fair. Why shouldn’t rich people give as much money as they want to perpetuate the oligarchy? It seems only fair that non-deplorables help keep non-deplorables in power without having to worry about so-called finance laws. One day I was sitting at home with Hillary thinking about how we can help our powerful friends when the idea of a laundromat came to me. It’s so brilliant and simple. All my friends have to do is give Hillary and I lots of money and we will launder it for them.

“Money. It’s a gas” Hillary seconded.

Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash. New car caviar four star daydream think I’ll buy me a football team. Money. Well get back. I’m alright jack keep your hands off my stack!

As Mrs. Clinton stopped to sip from her flask Bill continued speaking.

What my lovely wife means to say is that Americans deserve to be ruled by high class sophisticated people like Hillary and I.

Hillary put her flask down to acknowledge her husband’s point.

High class. Just like Christina Aguilera’s boobies. 

High class boobies!










I couldn’t take my eyes off of them. I wanted to bury my face between them and go to town. Because that’s what the high class oligarchy does.

At the mention of Christina Aguilera’s boobies former President Clinton smiled wistfully.

Those were some high class boobies. As you can see my wife and I share similar interests. But anyway back to our laundromat. If you have tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars lying around don’t let the FEC harsh your mellow. Give all your money to us. We will put it in our laudromat and your money will come out clean. No one will be the wiser. What the FEC doesn’t know won’t hurt it. So I urge all my friends from DC, Arkansas, New York and Lolita Island to give us their money. You’ll be helping yourself and more importantly helping Hillary and I keep the oligarchy in power.

Mrs. Clinton resumed drinking from her flask.

F*cking power, baby. Raw, naked merciless force! In the end it’s the only thing that matters in this world. That and Christina Aguilera’s boobies. As a 70 year old woman I love power. And boobies. And your money. Give us your money. Come to our laundromat and give us your money.

After Bill and Hillary finished speaking a middle aged Mexican woman carrying a laundry cart appeared.

“Disculpe, ¿es esto la lavandería automática? Tengo que lavar mi sensor de ropa.”

With that she was tackled by Secret Service agents and taken into custody.

The Clintons plan on opening a chain of their laundromats around the world. The next scheduled opening will be in Moscow.

“You have Money. We have uranium. Capish” said the former President.



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