I know stuff but tests are hard!

When Cynthia Nixon, best known as the actress from Sex and the City no one wanted to see naked, announced that she was running for governor of New York there arose opposition from fellow lesbians who pointed out that she was unqualified.

“Cynthia Nixon may be a lesbian but she is unqualified” said certified lesbian and former New York City Council speaker Christine Quinn (pictured here).

No one wants to see me naked!

I on the other hand am a totally qualified and certified lesbian. There is more to being a lesbian than just being overweight, ugly and no one wanting to see you naked. Granted that is an important part of being a lesbian but there is so much more. That’s why I took my lesbian certifications. I took them and passed the tests. The test covers a lot of knowledge that lesbians need to know from setting up switches and routers to is antiquing a tool of the patriarchy to pre-op transsexuals: Lesbians or just chicks with dicks. This is important information lesbians need to know. Granted no one wants to see Cynthia Nixon naked and that is very important in establishing that one is a lesbian. But it’s only a beginning. I cannot support Cynthia Nixon for governor until she becomes qualified. Do you know the damage one unqualified lesbian can do? The more society is exposed to unqualified lesbians the more they think we are like the lesbians they see in porn movies. Those lesbians you actually want to see naked. Not like we real, qualified lesbians.

Responding to Quinn’s criticism, Nixon acknowledged that she lacked lesbian certification but said she makes up for it in practical, real world situations.

Yes I am technically unqualified. But in my defense I’ve never been good at tests. But if it is that important to the voters I will become qualified if elected. The only thing I haven’t decided is whether to become a Certified Lesbian Administrator or a go for the Certified Lesbian Engineer cert. Now back to my point. What I lack in certs I make up in real world experience. No one wants to see my naked. No one. Sarah Jessica Parker didn’t want to see me naked. Neither did Kim Cattrall or Kristen Davis. Mr. Big didn’t want to see me naked. I used to wander around the set asking people if they wanted to see me naked. They all refused. The prop master even threw up. Hell even my wife doesn’t want to see me naked. So to recap yes I have no certifications but more importantly no one wants to see me naked. And that’s the sign of a real qualified lesbian. And are the voters of New York going to elect a high-falutin’ fake certified lesbian or a real lesbian. A middle aged, frumpy, slightly overweight lesbian that no one wants to see naked? I am that woman!

New York’s presiding governor, Andrew Cuomo, when asked about a Nixon candidacy stated that he supports the right of lesbians to not be seen naked.

“I identify with Nixon. Just yesterday I asked my Lieutenant Governor if she wanted to see me naked. She said no. So you see I can relate. No one wants to see me naked either. Crap. I think I may be a lesbian.”

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