Give me what I want or I’ll cry!

Today at Manhattan Infidel I have the pleasure of interviewing David Hogg, the charismatic, voluble and sex-symbol handsome young white minor who has become the spokeschild of those who wish to limit the freedom of Americans.

MI: Good afternoon Mr.  Hogg.

[Silence]

MI: I said good afternoon Mr. Hogg.

DH: What? Oh hello. I wasn’t paying attention to you. You’re old and I don’t pay attention to old people. They have f*cked up this country. It’s time for we kids to right the ship. You old people f*ck everything up.

MI: Excuse me?

DH: You f*cking old piece of shit! It’s up to the children now to lead.

MI:  I see. Don’t eat the Tide pods.

DH: Don’t change the subject. Besides, Tide pods look like candy. Anyone can make that mistake.

MI: No one needs a tide pod. Tide pods didn’t exist when the Constitution was written. Tide pods are assault pods.

DH: Whatever old man. The kids have to take over the country. It’s like when your old ass parents are like “I don’t know how to send an iMessage,” and you’re like “Give me the f*cking phone” and you get it done in a second. Sadly that’s what we have to do with our government because our parents don’t know how to use a f*cking democracy. So we have to.

MI: Okay let’s talk about gun violence. The shooter at the high school in Florida was allegedly bullied. Bullied by whom?

DH: We bullied him. He was not cool.

MI: I see. Your generation has seen a lot of gun violence.

DH: The NRA are pathetic f*ckers who want to keep killing our children!

MI: As I was saying your generation has suffered through a lot of gun violence. But your generation is also committing the gun violence. What is it about teenagers today that makes them so violent? Why do teenagers today seem so ready to kill?

DH: That’s a trick question! And can I have my tide pod back?

MI: No.

[An armed mugger appears and points his gun at David Hogg] 

I love gun control. It makes my job so much easier

 

 

 

 

 

 

AM: Give me all your money!

DH: Help!  Help me Manhattan Infidel. Stop him!

MI: I’d love to help but I don’t have a gun. Perhaps you should call 911 and wait ten minutes for help to arrive.

AM: On your knees you little shit!

MI: Call 911 now.

[The mugger takes David Hogg’s money, pistol whips him and then proceeds to rape him]

DH: Help! Help I’m being raped!

MI: Don’t you have a rape whistle?

DH: No I don’t. Help me. You’re older. You’re supposed to look out and help young people like me.

MI: Sorry. No can do. I’m too busy f*cking up our democracy. 

DH: Help!

MI: Well that’s about all the time I have. If I see a policeman I’ll be sure to tell him of your predicament.

AM: Once I finish with your ass I’m going to steal your Tide pod!

DH: Oh the humanity!

That certainly was an enlightening interview. I didn’t see any police. Oh well. Not my circus not my monkey.

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