Whiny Pain in the Ass Ignorant Little Shits Too Young to Vote Walk Out of Class!

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I’m 16 and know more than you!

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yesterday, March 14th 2018, a date which shall live in infamy, thousands of students across the United States walked out of school to demand rights be taken away from their fellow citizens.

“I’m 16 and my voice shall not be silenced” said one student who walked out of class.

Our generation shall lead. Our generation, which has seen more violence and oppression than any other generation, will fix how the adults have screwed things up. I know this for a fact since my school principal said so and will give me an A if I walk out.

Indeed the theme of oppression seemed to dominate the children’s concerns.

“Last night my mother told me to get off social media and do my homework” said another youngster.

And I was all like “How dare you tell me to do this. What gives you the right to tell me anything!” Fortunately I’m taking a lot of opioids for depression or I would have yelled at her. Instead I took my mother’s wife’s gun and shot the neighbors dog. But we have to ban guns totally! Except for the ones my mother’s wife owns.

Besides oppression many students mentioned how they don’t feel safe.

“I was at that school in Florida” one student who was interviewed said.

I’m a student there. I’ve been a high school student there the last seven years so that give me moral authority. I just don’t feel safe there. There are no designated safe zones at the high school. No couches where we can faint on. No teddy bears or soft music. We demand these. It will help make us stronger. I hope to go on to college and major in lesbian theory and get a job as a diversity executive at a fortune 500 company. But I can’t do any of this if I don’t feel safe. In fact the only time I feel safe is when I’m sleeping with my teacher.

One student interviewed blamed the NRA.

They are a terrorist organization, worse than the Jews or the Catholic Church. The AR 15 is a weapon of war. The second amendment needs to go. Only the police and SWAT teams from the EPA should have guns.  I watched a documentary on PBS once so I know that the public should be disarmed.

But perhaps the most eloquent spokesman of the walkout was this 15-year old:

Just last month I was eating Tide pods and now my generation will disarm America! And the sooner we disarm America the better because once no one has guns I will feel safer and when I feel safe that will give me more time to send dick pics to the cheerleaders. Unlike self-defense sex is a right we all deserve!

Many students at yesterday’s protests vowed not stop at repealing the 2nd amendment.

“We need to repeal the third amendment next. Only with heavily armed soldiers in everyone’s homes will our nation truly be free” said a victim of the Parkland shooting.

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