And the award for best pedophile goes to…..

Like most people who read this blog Manhattan Infidel keeps a close eye on popular culture.  Okay maybe “close eye” is just a polite way of saying “stalking.”  But the point remains covering pop culture is a large part of this blog.

Yesterday Hollywood held its annual Oscar ceremony where our elite are rewarded for their excellence and moral superiority.  For those of you who missed it I now present host and America’s conscience Jimmy Kimmel’s opening monologue, which set the courageous tone for the rest of the evening.

As all of you know the past couple months have been a tough one for our industry. Many women have come forward to tell horrible stories of their sexual abuse at the hands of powerful men in Hollywood. I am here to say we have heard your cries and place the blame squarely where it belongs: On the shoulders of Donald Trump.

Harvey Weinstein, Kevin Spacey, James Franco, Michael Douglas, Geoffrey Rush, Russell Simmons, Al Franken, Richard Dreyfuss, George Takei, Jeffrey Tambor, Dustin Hoffman, Andy Dick, Louis C.K., Ben Affleck, Casey Affleck, Woody Allen, Steven Seagal, and those who sexually assaulted Molly Ringwald, Reese Witherspoon, Corey Haim, Corey Feldman and all other 14 year olds with tight butts. What do all these people have in common besides a coke addiction? I think it was coke. It might be pain killers. Or meth.

They are all conservative Republicans who support Donald Trump.

Yes I know what you are saying. “Wait. Aren’t they well-known liberals who support the Democratic Party?”  No. That is a lie started by the fake news people at Fox. These people are conservatives.  And like all conservatives they are born rapists. But what do you expect from people who follow Donald Trump, a serial rapist the likes of which has never been seen in American politics. Yes, we all know about Bill Clinton. But in his defense Clinton is very pro-abortion. That alone justifies his actions.

You see we in Hollywood have a problem. No not pedophilia. And as artists that is our privilege anyway. No not pedophilia. Not rape. Not the so-called casting couch. Our problem is we are awash in conservatives. There are too many conservatives in Hollywood. This industry is dominated by Trump-voting conservatives. And as we all know conservatives are less moral then liberals. They are not as intelligent. And they are corrupting the spotless moral record of our industry.

Conservatives are close minded people. Close minded rapists I should say. They lack the intellectual curiosity, openness, tolerance and moral center that we liberals have.

That is why I am taking the pledge. I pledge never to hire a Republican. I pledge never to work with a Republican. I pledge never to have a Republican on my show. And don’t try to hide your conservatism. We liberals are smarter as I said. We will find you and we will punish you. We will ensure you are ostracized and living in a ghetto.

Such openness and tolerance is the American way.

I want to close my monologue by reminding all those in attendance that your swag bags this year will contain rape whistles, pepper spray and instructions on how to spot a conservative. Pro tip: They usually are carrying assault rifles with bump stocks, drive pick ups and are heading to a local white Christian church.

Thank you and on with the Oscars!

As for what happened at the rest of the Oscars I don’t know. I had better things to do was cleaning out the cat’s litter box.

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