Mueller Indicts Marvin the Martian!


Being indicted makes me angry! Very angry indeed!











Special prosecutor Robert Mueller continues to lay down the hammer in his search into Russian collusion with President Trump in the 2016 presidential election.

Today he indicted Marvin the Martian, charging him with lying to the FBI when questioned about his knowledge of Russian attempts to interfere in the election.

“Marvin the Martian did knowingly lie to the FBI on three separate occasions when being interviewed” began the indictment.

The indictment then goes on to list the topics that Mr. Martian allegedly lied about:

  1. Mr. Martian claims to have never met Vladimir Putin. In fact Mr. Martian met with him several times during the period from November 2015 to December 2016. Martian was angry that Russia blocked his view of the Venus. “If Russia continues to block my view I will destroy it” said Mr. Martian. 
  2. Mr. Martian claims to have no knowledge of Russian attempts to interfere with the Presidential election, whereas Mr. Martian had a secret deal with Putin wherein he wouldn’t destroy Russia but would instead move Russia to Venus and destroy Earth. It should be noted that destroying Earth and saving Russia counts as Russian interference in the 2016 Presidential election.  President Trump no doubt knew of this.
  3. Mr. Martian claims not to know who Paul Manafort is and coyly asked FBI interrogators if Manafort was a “brand of cheese.”  Martian subscribes to the Wall Street Journal and therefore must have seen Manafort’s name in print on many occasions.

The indictment strikes a near fatal blow to President Trump’s attempts to claim non-involvement with the Russians while he was running for President.

“If Marvin the Martian did lie to investigators then this proves Trump is guilty” said CNN personality Chris Cuomo.

Trump. Russia. Marvin the Martian. It’s all connected! We already know Trump colluded with the Russians to steal the election from the more qualified Hillary Clinton. If Trump had Marvin the Martian help him how deep does the collusion go? Jabba the Hutt? Captain Kirk, the Robinson Family who were lost in space?  Or should I say allegedly lost in space? Perhaps they knew the truth about the degree of collusion between President Trump and Russia and had to be taken out of the picture? This all makes perfect sense. And I remind my viewers that I am on television. That means I’m smart.

Marvin the Martian continues to deny any involvement in possible collusion between the Trump campaign and Russian operatives.

“I’m just a simple martian living a simple martian life” he said when questioned by reporters.

I do not get involved in Earth politics. The last time I did England went to war with Argentina. I have no feelings towards Earth. It seems like a nice vacation spot. I just wish it didn’t block my view of Venus. What do they want from me? I met with the FBI and answered all their questions.

Mr. Martian has asked to be left alone and will not travel back to Earth to answer the indictment.

“This whole getting indicted shit makes me angry. Very angry indeed!”



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