FBI to Become FBLS!

Do you want something erased/

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Federal Bureau of Investigation announced today that it will undergo the most extensive rebranding in the organization’s history.

“Let’s face it keeping conservatives under surveillance is a lot of hard, thankless work” said FBI director Christopher Wray.

Tracking down those who oppose the Democratic party, tracking them down and violating their civil rights takes lots of manpower. It’s thankless work and these conservatives have the nerve to complain when they should be lucky to live in a country that tolerates them. So we are officially out of the conservative hunting business. Which I know we weren’t supposed to be in in the first place.  We are supposed to fight crime. People just don’t understand that conservative thought is crime! But I digress.  From now on the FBI will be known as the FBLS or the Federal Bureau of Losing Shit.

Wray went on to discuss the many services that will be available under the new FBLS.

I mean come on. Has anyone even been paying attention to the  news lately?  Erasing things is all we do. You have potentially embarrassing email? Our Pakistani I.T. people will erase all evidence. You have a private server? Our FBLS investigators, who have all been vetted and found to be properly liberal, will take the server and lose it. We don’t ask them how but they are experts at this sort of thing. You want to start a secret society dedicated to the overthrow of our constitutionally elected president and were stupid enough to put it in email?  Our agents at the FBLS will lose any incriminating evidence.

Wray concluded his press conference by explaining how the FBLS will continue the great work of the FBI.

We really should have done this years ago if you think about it.  I mean come on. We’re a government agency. Like all government agencies we aren’t that effective. Lots of overhead stuff like that. Do you know we actually spent one million last year buying  a desktop and printer for my mistress’s penthouse, which is also paid for by the agency? That should tell you how competent we are. But losing, forgetting and erasing stuff? Hell we can do that with out eyes closed.  So in closing America you  have nothing to fear from the FBLS. Unless you’re a conservative that is.

As he was leaving a reporter asked him if the FBLS could help erase the 600 photos of his penis he sent to a woman in the office.

“Yes. Totally. That is in our wheelhouse. We can erase those. Unless the dick pics can be used to embarrass President Trump. In that case for the greater good the photos should be released.”

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2 Comments

2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    Look, Infidel. Samsung The Dog ate the texts. Everyone knows that, move on.

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