Special Prosecutor Appointed to Look into French Collusion in Presidential Election of 1800!

Views:
4

One is a patriot. The other is a colluder

 

 

 

 

 

 

Under fire from Federalists, President Thomas Jefferson today appointed a special prosecutor who will be tasked with looking into allegations that the French interfered in the election of 1800 in favor of candidate Jefferson.

Speaker of the House Nathaniel Macon, Democrat-Republican of North Carolina announced the President’s decision today.

“President Jefferson scoffs at the allegations of the loser Adams and his Federalist colleagues” he said.

Yet to clear his name of these false reports he has decided to appoint a special prosecutor, even though he has doubts that such an appointment is constitutional. Let me again speak for the President: There was no collusion with the French. The President did not need to collude with the French. The Federalists lost because they were rejected by the American people. That is why a Republican sits in the Executive Mansion now and not a representative of the discredited Federalist party.

Former President John Adams welcomed the appointment of the Special Prosecutor.

“Finally we will know the truth about the election” said Adams from his farm in Braintree, Massachusetts.

There is no other possible explanation as to why I lost. I was the most qualified candidate. Just look at my resume: A member of the Colonial Congress and part of the team that wrote the Declaration. Signed the Peace Treaty of Paris that ended our Revolutionary War. Ambassador to Great Britain. Vice President of the United States. Defender of our country against the depredations and outright attempted bribery by X,Y, and Z in Paris. I should have won. If you put all of Jefferson’s supporters together you can place them all in a basket of deplorables: Anti-religion, anti-English, pro-Irish, Pro-French. Believers in Democracy. And need I remind you that we live in a Republic not a Democracy. Only I would oppose the French, not my opponent. There is no other reason I lost except the French were interfering our election.

Among the things the Special Prosecutor will look into is the placement of ads in American newspapers by French agents designed to swing voters to the Republican party.

“I remember in the months leading up to the elections lots of ads were bought from overseas” said one New York newspaper publisher.

I usually don’t care where the ads come from as long as they pay me. But these ads were all a little suspicious if you ask me. The ads were all filled with pro-Jefferson propaganda and filled with aspersions on the character of John Adams. I remember one ad that said, “America are you going to vote for a short, fat, bald man like Adams or a tall, distinguished, fully-follicled Thomas Jefferson, who is totally not sleeping with his slaves.” Now granted Adams is short, fat and bald but that doesn’t disqualify him from being President. I think.

President Jefferson gave no comment on the appointment of a Special Prosecutor.

“The President is home on his estate at Monticello where he is busy totally not sleeping with his slaves” said his press spokesman.

(2)

0 Comments

Leave a Reply

Using Gravatars in the comments - get your own and be recognized!

XHTML: These are some of the tags you can use: <a href=""> <b> <blockquote> <code> <em> <i> <strike> <strong>