Tragedy at Pussy Hat March: Stampede Caused by Mouse Kills Hundreds!

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I demand you stop looking at my pussy hat and look at my pussy!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The 2018 Pussy March for Pussy Equality got off to a festive start in New York City over the weekend as hundreds of thousands tens of thousand thousands hundreds of marchers gathered to protest the election of the man who is literally Hitler, Donald Trump.

“Hey ho this is my pussy hat. Patriarchy has got to go” chanted the fashionable upper middle class, middle aged, overweight white lesbians who marched for equality.

Many marchers held signs that read “Stop looking at my pussy hat and look at my pussy!”

Others, not content to simply wear pussy hats dressed as giant vaginas.

“I’m dressed as a vagina to show that women should be taken seriously” said one lesbian.

Look at me! Take me seriously!

And until men take me seriously. Until men realize that women are strong, I will continue to wear this pussy outfit and seek shelter in a safe space when confronted with thoughts I do not like.

Indeed it seemed like the spirit of the 1960s was alive and well again.

That is until tragedy struck.

Approximately an hour into the Pussy Hat March Opposed to the Man Who is Literally Hitler, Donald Trump, a mouse was spotted along the parade route.

As the three-inch long white field mouse darted across the avenue the Pussy Hat marchers froze in terror, unsure what to do next.

Then as if it were alive, a wave of panic spread through the marchers and screams could be heard throughout Manhattan.

Then the panic became complete as the hundreds of thousands tens of thousands thousands hundreds of marchers turned and ran in the opposite direction.

Fatter slower marchers were trampled in the panic.

Pete Townshend and Roger Daltry looked at the mass of people being trampled and suffocating and immediately called their agent, demanding payment.

“Trampling people to death is a Who trademark” said Daltry.

“I agree with Roger. I think. I’m partially deaf so I didn’t quite make out what he said” Townsend seconded.

The normally patriarchal NYPD, perhaps out of sympathy with the Pussy Hat marchers and to express their rage at the man who is literally Hitler, Donald Trump, cornered the mouse that caused the stampede and arrested it.

Angry women tried to throw their menstrual blood at the mouse, but the quick thinking NYPD surrounded him and was able to perp walk him to the precinct.

The mouse was questioned for hours by detectives before being charged with a Hate Crime in the First Degree.

The Commissioner of the NYPD, James P. O’Neill, held a press conference where he reaffirmed that hate has no place in New York City.

“This mouse belongs to another time” he told reporters.

A backward time. A time of hatred and oppression. You know, the 1950s. I don’t know what his motives were. Perhaps he wanted to distract us from Donald Trump’s collusion with Russia. But we have arrested him, have charged him and will prosecute this mouse to the fullest extent of the law!

In Washington D.C. Donald Trump denied ordering the mouse to disrupt the Pussy Hat march.

Special prosecutor Robert Mueller is rumored to be interested in issuing a subpoena for the mouse.

CNN will preempt regular programming tonight for a special entitled “The Man Who is Literally Hitler, Donald Trump and the Mouse He Hired to Kill Pussy, Possibly With Russian Money.”

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