Shithole Countries Demand President Trump Apologize!

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What a shithole!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

As outrage around the world grows, a consortium of shithole countries has formally requested that President Trump apologize for his comments.

“We demand this racist, evil person apologize” said the President of Haiti.

We will not have our shithole status denigrated by a country with a much higher standard of living and lower crime rate. We, the representatives of the  shitholes of the world demand our shitholeness be respected. Does the racist Trump understand the many advantages of being a shithole? You people in America pay so much for rent. And clean running water and flush toilets? Who needs those? Our shithole residents in our shithole countries pay next to nothing in rent. Pennies really. Which is good since they only make a dollar a week. And we are tougher than Americans. We drink the water from the same source our feces come from. It’s a mark, a proud mark, of what makes us shitholes. And you Americans are so afraid of violent crime. Do you know what our official tourism slogan is?  “Come for the cholera. Stay for the gang rape.”

Next up the President of Somalia spoke via satellite phone from a tanker he had just hijacked.

Somalians resent this white man calling our country a shithole. As the President of Somalia I am proud of the many programs we have in our country to help our young people find careers. Did you know we lead the world in the hijacking of ships? Did you? I don’t think so. I am proud of the fact that so many of our young, male Somalians pick themselves off the street to learn the valuable trade of cargo ship hijacking. I have had many of them tell me nothing beats the thrill of chasing a tanker on the open water. Hollywood might even make a movie about you. Does Hollywood make movies about coal miners in Appalachia? No. But our tanker hijackers have captured the imagination of Hollywood. Yes I know they have asked us to open the hijacking field to Somalian women but in our defense that isn’t possible. Many Somalian women are too weak to become tanker pirates. Especially after their botched clitoral circumcision.

Finally the President of Guatemala spoke eloquently of the struggle to maintain their shithole status.

Every year we lose our best MS-13 gang members to emigration to America. They bring their knowledge of torture methods to the United States. Is this not cultural appropriation? Shouldn’t the United States apologize to us? Do not scoff at our desire to retain our violent gang lords. If you are 12 and recruited by one of our gangs you learn discipline, obedience, a can-do attitude and torture methods not seen since the middle ages. Tell me again why our country is a shithole, Mr. Trump? We’re not the shithole. The United States is the shithole. And we disdain your cheese. You make crappy cheese. Not like the French or the Swiss.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders, press spokesperson for President Trump, has said that no apology will be forthcoming.

“They want an apology? What a bunch of shitholes.”

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2 Comments

2 Responses

  1. LSP says:

    You know, they have a point.

    Our cheese isn’t that great. Please, Melania; Sort. It. Out.

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