Yankees Beat Tampa Bay (The Aaron Judge Uses a Private Email Server Edition)

“Every time I hit a home run my people kill a native American” ~ Attributed to Mickey Mantle.

muggy autumn night in the Bronx









The already clinched a playoff spot Yankees opened a series against the Tampa Bay (Devil) Rays on an Indian Native American Summer night in the Bronx.  The Yankees started Jordan Montgomery (9-7 3.96) and the Rays countered with Blake Snell (4-7 4.27).

Tampa Bay scored first in the top of the first.  After singles by Kevin Kiermaier and Steven Souza Jr. Evan Longoria walked, loading the bases.  After Logan Morrison struck out Wilson Ramos hit a deep fly ball to center field. Would it be a grand slam? Nope, thanks to recently activated Aaron Hicks who snagged it as it went over the wall, turning a grand slam into a sac fly. Kiermaier scored.  1-0 Tampa Bay after half an inning.

The Yankees came back and scored four runs in the bottom of the second. Starlin Castro led off with his 15th home run of the year. Todd Frazier, Clint Frazier and Ronald Torreyes singled, loading the bases.  Aaron Hicks walked, forcing in a run. Aaron Judge up next walked as well, forcing in another run. Ronald Torreyes finished out the inning when he scored on a wild pitch. 4-1 Yankees after two.

The Yanks scored two more runs in the eighth.  Gary Sanchez singled home Torreyes. Matt Holliday reached on an infield single scoring Judge.

Final score:  Yankees 6 Tampa Bay 1.  With the win the Yankees get home field advantage for the wild card playoff next Tuesday.

Notes on the game:

Before the game began news broke that Aaron Judge and Didi Gregorious had used private email servers, Gary Sanchez had once met with the Russian ambassador and Matt Holliday owns a private island called “orgy island” where he held frequent private meetings with those high up in the Kremlin hierarchy.

Naturally these scandals must be investigated and if true Trump will have to be impeached.

Hillary Clinton was at the game. In the third inning she ran out onto the field screaming “The Yankees are deplorables and cost me the election!”

She was tackled by the Yankee outfield of Aaron Judge, Aaron Hicks and Clint Frazier. Why did they tackle here instead of letting her speak? Probably to hide their crimes and collusion with Russia.

I tell you people this has to be investigated! Create an independent prosecutor! Trump, the Russians and the Yankees colluded to keep Hillary out of the White House and we as a people will not stand for this!

Best heckle of the game:

I tried but my heckle of “Mickey Mantle wanted to kill all native Americans and wipe them off the face of the Earth therefore we should tear down any Mickey Mantle statues” didn’t fire up the crowd.  I guess they aren’t sufficiently “woke” and approve of genocide.

Reader mail:

A.P. of Poughkeepsie writes, “There is a statue of somebody in Poughkeepsie. Should I tear it down?”

Absolutely. The statue was probably of some dead white man. And you know how guilty they are!

C.H.E. of hurricane infested Florida writes, “I was driving on the highway and thought I saw a statue in the distance. I was so triggered I had to pull over and weep.”

You did the right thing. I suggest you contact your local Antifa club and have the statue removed. All these statues of white people disgust me!

M.A., former confederate spy now living in New York City writes, “I want Columbus Circle renamed “Che Guevara Circle.” He espoused compassionate socialist principles.”

This is true. And Che was Hispanic, which means he was oppressed!

Recommended reading material:

Benedict Arnold, Patriot and Traitor by William Sterne Randall.

And so my final record for 2017 was 7-5.  The Yankees now go onto the playoffs.

Go Yankees!



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