Washington was a slaveholder!

It has been announced that Washington DC, in an attempt to heal the racial wounds of America, will be renamed in honor of Margaret Sanger.

“We need to move on from our past” said the president of the National Association to Remove Racist Images, Names and Statues.

We are a racially divided country and until we acknowledge this there will always be racial tension. George Washington was a slaveholder. To name our Capital after him was a mistake. To keep his name in our Capital is a mistake. It inflames racial tensions and is an affront to black people.

Margaret Sanger was chosen as the new name of the Capital because an exhaustive research of her papers shows that she was a woman, albeit a binary one, who never owned slaves.

There was some controversy however over the choosing of Sanger’s name because of her advocacy of eugenics as a solution to racial problems.

Yes Margaret Sanger was a proponent of abortion to weed out undesirables in the black race. But only by abortion can we save black people. The more blacks that abort their children the more they save them from falling into the hands of the white oppressor. So we approve of black abortion. And it must be noted that she never owned slaves. That makes her morally superior to George Washington.

Once Washington DC has been officially renamed the National Association to Remove Racist Images, Names and Statues plans to continue its work to make the Capital a “safe zone” for everybody.

The Jefferson Memorial will be torn down and replaced by the Al Sharpton memorial. Jefferson like Washington was a slaveholder. He also had sexual relations with his slaves. He is not a role model for modern Americans. Sharpton on the other hand is the spiritual and temporal leader of the black race in the 21st century. A more fitting subject for a memorial we can’t think of.

The Lincoln Memorial will also be torn down and replaced by a memorial to Caitlyn Jenner.

The struggle for trans identity is very important. Almost as important as ensuring all food is gluten-free. Abraham Lincoln, while not a slave holder that we know of remained silent on the all important issue of trans identity. We’ve searched his writings and cannot find one reference to transsexualism. But what do you expect from a Republican?

Also to be removed: Memorials to the Korean and Vietnam wars.

Both were fought on peninsulas and peninsulas resemble penises. Just another example of the war-like tendency bred into all men. How can our Capital be a place of peace with so many penises?

Depending of how much money they can raise the group also hopes to replace the Capitol dome with a giant nipple.

“Nipples bring peace and lactose free milk. Only then will our Capital be morally pure” explained the Association’s newsletter.

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