Africans? They ain’t black!

Black Lives Matter, the continent-wide civil rights group that has won the sympathy of all the world has decided to open up its ranks to non blacks.

“We don’t want the white man to accuse of of not being diverse” said a member of the Black Lives Matter Executive Board.

It would be just like the white man to accuse of of that. The white man is tricky like that. Not diverse? Look at pictures from our last rally.  We have blacks from Chicago. Blacks from New York. Blacks from Ferguson. Blacks from Baton Rouge. It’s a glorious rainbow of black. How can anyone say that’s not diverse?

Wishing to proactively head off criticism from white people the Executive Board met at a secret location to vote on opening up membership.

We had to meet in secret so the white man couldn’t find us.  Some of the brothers had to cross state lines you know. And that would violate their parole.

In a contentious four hour meeting marked by an open exchange of ideas and frequent gunfire, it was decided to allow Africans to join the movement.

It made sense. We need to bring in the brothers from the mother continent. Or so some of us thought. Then we started to meet the brothers. I mean, I’m all for black people but those Africans are really black! I couldn’t understand a word they said and they dressed funny. Smelled funny too. Like the white man.

Not content with the majority decision, some of the Black Lives Matter people broke off and formed their own organization:  Black Lives Not African Lives Matter.

“It’s important that people know that Black Lives Matter has betrayed black people” said the found of Black Lives Not African Lives Matter.

What do Africans know about struggle and oppression? Nothing! If we start letting Africans into our group the next thing you know we’ll be letting the Irish join!

A second splinter group, Black Lives Matter But Only If They’ve Been to Jail also split, dissatisfied with the direction Black Lives Matter was heading.

“Those two groups don’t know nothing about what it is to be black” said their spokesman before  he was gunned down.

They don’t know nothing about what an authentic black man is. If you want to be considered an authentic black man you have to go to  jail. The only brothers who haven’t been to jail are Oreo cookies. They’re black in the outside but all white inside.

Still, despite the split, the three groups have promised to meet next week to see if they can iron out their differences.

“There’s more that unites us than separates us” said the leader of Black Lives Matter.

“For instance. We all agree that the white man is racist and we all hate Hispanics. But hey, who doesn’t?”

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