Inspector General’s Report Finds Hillary Clinton Lied About Her Private Email Server But That It Wouldn’t be Fair to Indict Her Since She’s a Democrat and That Means She’s Not a Racist! Not Like Donald Trump!

What difference does it make? I'm not a racist!

What difference does it make? I’m not a racist!

After a lengthy investigation the Inspector General’s office released a report stating that presumptive president-in-waiting Hillary Clinton lied to investigators about her email server.

Among the specific findings:

  • Mrs. Clinton never sought approval from government officials for her private email server
  • Officials in 2010 who expressed concerns were warned to “never speak of the Secretary’s personal email system again.”
  • She did not surrender all her emails before leaving office
  • She did not want a State Department account because she didn’t want her personal email exposed
  • Her server had to be shut down on multiple occasions because it was being hacked
  • Secretary Clinton used non-secure mobile devices to communicate official government business
  • By using non-secure methods of communication Secretary Clinton jeopardized several undercover operations that may have killed several undercover agents.

However, despite the finding the Inspector General recommended that Mrs. Clinton not be indicted.

I shall now quote from relevant portions of the IG’s report:

On Secretary Clinton’s never seeking approval for her personal blackberry:

Despite an intensive investigation we have found no evidence that Secretary Clinton, or any of her subordinates sought approval for her personal mobile devices. What was she thinking?

The silencing of those who expressed concerns about her personal blackberry:

Several members in the State Department told higher ups of their concern.  They were told never to speak of it again. One employee had his testicles torn off with a plastic fork as an example. We should feel badly about this but he was a Republican which means he was racist.

The hacking of her email server:

Apparently this server went down more often than a drunk sorority girl. Our investigation shows that the server was hacked 638 times in the space of four days alone. During the last hack the server was wiped and replaced with YouTube videos of cats. Hopefully these cats were not racist.

The compromising of undercover operations:

Several times Secretary Clinton compromised operations. One occasion in particular Mrs. Clinton used her Blackberry to change her Facebook status to, “Very sensitive undercover op happening now in the Philippines. Anyone who is in the area feel free to check out American power at its finest. Just try not to kill our operatives. No seriously.  Killing our operatives would be bad. Not as bad as racism or sexism but bad anyway.”

The report concludes by recommending that no charges be brought against the former Secretary.

While what Secretary Clinton did was wrong, we cannot bring ourselves to recommend indictment. She is one of us, a Democrat. And it just wouldn’t be fair. Besides, Donald Trump!  Racism is bad!  All bathrooms should be open to all 31 genders!

Mrs Clinton has dismissed the report as a “partisan hatchet job.

“Is there nothing Republicans won’t sink to in order to hide their racism, sexism and anti-genderism?  Donald Trump people!”



2 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    Breaking news:The blue dress was Hillary’s, further proof she does not swallow. Take that you racist right wing conspirators on Donald Trump’s payroll!

  2. Petermc3 says:

    Newsflash: The blue dress turns out to be Hillarys backing up her claim that she spit and did not swallow in The Oval Office contrary to the racist Trump campaign’s allegations.

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