Dammit man it’s not our fault!

With the Zika virus threatening the upcoming summer Olympics, mosquitoes from around the world have joined together to insist that they are not transmitters of the virus.

“Come on!  We get blamed for everything. It’s not our fault” said a mosquito spokesman.

Why would we infect humans?  Where is the logic in that? We just want to annoy you and suck your blood. We’re a lot like the government that way. Instead of blaming us why don’t you guys look at your beloved dogs. Yeah, Fido licks his own ass and drinks from the toilet. Think about that the next time he slobbers all over you.

With governments around the globe taking measures to prevent the Zika virus from spreading, mosquitoes have begun arming themselves.

“We’re not  gonna take it. Never did and never will” said a radicalized mosquito.

We’re not gonna take it. Gonna break it. Gonna shake it. Let’s forget it better still! We forsake you. Gonna rape you. Let’s forget you better still.

Recent drone footage that shows mosquitoes in military formation dive bombing innocent civilians has troubled security experts at the CIA.

“If the mosquitoes have been radicalized then we are in for a world of hurt” said CIA director, John O. Brennan.

We don’t know why previously peaceful mosquitoes would do this. All we do it kill them. Nothing personal. That’s the job of the CIA. To kill all our enemies. And to improve the self-esteem of Muslims. We recently captures some mosquitoes and used enhanced interrogation techniques on them. They wouldn’t tell us why they were radicalized. All they did was shout “Shaka. When the walls fell.” We have no idea what that means. A metaphor perhaps? It doesn’t really matter. We killed them.

Despite protestations from mosquitoes, the World Health Organization (“WHO“) pictured here,

Officials from the World Health Organization

maintains that the Zika virus is spread only through the aforesaid mosquitoes.

“See me, feel me, touch me, heal me” said an executive with the organization.

Listening to you, I get the music. Gazing at you I get the heat. Following you I climb the mountain. I get excitement at your feet. Right behind you I see the millions. On you, I see the glory. From you, I get opinions. From you I get the story.

“Yeah, we don’t know what that means” said Thomas Frieden, the Director of the Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta.

Perhaps the WHO have already been infected. I mean that line about “I get the heat” could point to possible infection and outbreak of some sort of fever. All we know for sure is that Captain Walker didn’t come home and his unborn child will never know him. Believe him missing with a number of men. Don’t expect to see him again.

The Mosquito Republican Army (“MRA”) has announced that the governments of the world have 48 hours to stop targeting their fellow mosquitoes around the world or war on humans will be declared.

“If you think we’re annoying now just wait. We’ll be all over you like the EPA on a Wyoming farmer trying to build a stock pond on his property.”

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