My Exclusive Interview with Ken Burns

Women sleep with me! I know! Amazing!

Women sleep with me! I know! Amazing!

Today at Manhattan Infidel I have the pleasure of interviewing none other than award-winning PBS documentary filmmaker Ken Burns.

MI: Good afternoon Mr. Burns.

KB: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.

MI: You’ve had quite a lot of success as a filmmaker.  The Civil War, Baseball, Jazz are just some of your documentaries. What brings you to such disparate topics?

KB: These aren’t as disparate as they appear to be. They all have one thing in common. And that one thing is the core value of America.

MI: Freedom?

KB: No. Racism.

MI: Racism?

KB: Racism is the American value. Our country was founded by racists for racists to be racist. Baseball is racist. The Civil war was racist. Jazz is racist.

MI: Wait. Jazz is racist?

KB: Yes. The white man appropriated the culture of the black man. This is typical of the white man, always raping the cultures of the peoples of color and using it for their own profit.

MI: Right.

KB: Like the amputated limb felt long after it has been cut off, I miss Trayvon Martin.

MI: Um.

KB: He was innocent. All he did was wear a hoodie. Hoodies frighten the white man.

MI: I often wear hoodies. By the way, my people call them sweatshirts.

KB: The white man appropriated hoodies.

MI: Right.

KB: Just the other day I wore a hoodie as I visited a Starbucks on Martha’s Vineyard.  People looked at me differently. With fear. I started to identify with Trayvon Martin. I felt like an outsider. Oppressed. Racism. Racism is everywhere.

MI: Of course they could have been looking at you and wondering “Who’s the idiot in the hoodie?”

KB: Don’t trivialize my harrowing experience with racism, Manhattan Infidel. By the way which liberal establishment magazine did you say you wrote for? Salon?

MI: Actually. I write a blog.

KB: Blogging is racist. 

MI: Is there anything that isn’t racist?

KB: Giving money to the Democratic party is not racist.

MI: Figures.

KB: I also do not believe there is a hell, as most of our religions reliably report, just the ones we humans make for ourselves and each other right here.

MI: You don’t believe in hell?

KB: No. Hell is racist.

MI: Right. Oh, look who’s here. It’s Satan himself.

[Satan appears] 

I am not racist!

I am not racist!

Satan: Ken Burns I am Satan and I am here to take you to the hell you don’t believe in.

KB: Okay, can I make a documentary on you?

Satan: I suppose.

KB: What’s the bathroom situation in hell? Do you have separate bathrooms for transgendered?

Satan: We only have one bathroom in hell.

KB: That is so racist.

[Satan leads Ken Burns away]

Well that was odd. I can’t wait to see his documentary.


1 Comment

One Response

  1. Petermc3 says:

    Chaka Zulu’s estate still holds the utility patent on the Hoodie which had no closure string, no sleeves and no head covering. The white man stole those ideas chich contributed to Chaka’s insanity. I’m waiting for Mr Burns documentary on the evolution of the loincloth, an African wardrobe gotta have.

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