This repressive state should be invaded and subjugated.

In another blow to the long-dead concept of Federalism and States Rights, the United States announced that it will be suing North Carolina because of that State’s anti-LGBT legislation.

“The state of North Carolina seeks to force transsexuals to use the bathroom of their sex at birth, which was an accident, rather than respect the subjective truth of their mature gender identity” said Attorney General Loretta Lynch.

The legislature and the governor placed North Carolina in direct opposition to Federal laws prohibiting discrimination on the basis of sex and gender identity. They created state-sponsored discrimination against transsexuals who simply seek to pull their penis out of their panties and engage in the most private of functions in a place of safety.

The Attorney General then continued her unusually impassioned statement on the lawsuit.

It was not long ago that North Carolina had signs above restrooms restricting access based on the color of ones skin. Gender identity, like the color of a person’s skin, is complicated. What is a woman? What constitutes a woman? Female biological organs? Is that the limit of how we define womanhood? Or is it time to expand our definition of what a woman is? No as a tolerant, inclusive society we cannot let womanhood be defined by so-called female biological organs. Look at me.

Am I a woman?

Am I a traditional biological women? I don’t know myself. I have always self-identified as a woman. Well except for Sundays in the fall when I wear my wife-beater t shirt, down bottles of Bud and watch football. Hey, a woman can do that can’t she? I am all woman. All self-identified woman.

The Attorney General then mentioned that if North Carolina did not repeal its discriminatory bathroom law Washington would be forced to withhold billions of funding that would have gone towards their education system.

When a reporter asked if that might be considered blackmail, the Attorney General became indignant.

First off the term blackmail is racist. Secondly, the term blackmail should be called “whitemail” since it was the white man who invented that tactic. Now why don’t you be a good boy and behave yourself?

The reporter who asked the offending question was then ushered out of the room, but not before being notified that his tax returns for the last fifteen years would be audited.

Attorney General Lynch concluded the press conference by reminding reporters that no state has the right to disobey the Federal government.

States are merely convenient administrative units. They must bend to our will. I’m a Federal official and the Constitution isn’t my strong suit but I’m pretty sure this is in the Constitution. I mean I’ve never read it but I’m sure it’s there.

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Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news

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Carrot top

I stand with transsexuals everywhere

has announced that he will no longer perform in North Carolina until their bathroom law is repealed.

“I mean no one has asked me to come to North Carolina in thirty years. Something about scaring the children. But if they did ask me I wouldn’t go”

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