I’m smart. Not like people say!

Mayor Warren Wilhelm, Jr. (stage name Bill de Blasio), the notoriously mentally-challenged mayor of New York City has upped the war on food.

“Chick-fil-A is anti-LGBT” said Mayor Wilhelm, who continues to defy expectations by walking upright.

This group imparts a strong anti-LGBT message by forcing their employees and volunteers to adhere to a policy that prohibits same-sex love. As a man who is married to a lesbian I am very pro same-sex love. Very pro same-sex love. I like to watch my lesbian wife with other woman. It is outrageous that Chick-fil-A continues to spread its message of hate. And their message of hate is that only traditional male-female marriage is okay. That is not a New York City value!

Mayor Wilhelm’s handlers, conscious of the fact that he had just strung together as many sentences as he is possible, gave him a gummy bear and whisked him away.

While the overwhelming majority of New Yorkers support the differentially-challenged mayor’s war on morally-impure food some feel that the mayor should be supporting businesses and not boycotting them.

“If the mayor is boycotting chicken can hot dogs be far behind” said the head of Coney Island’s July 4th  hot dog eating contest. “I mean he should be supporting business in New York.”

Despite this Mayor Wilhelm, Jr. vows never to patronize the chain.

“I will not go/I will not show/Chick-fil-A/Hey hey hey/no way!” said the mayor before being put to bed by his handlers.

“The mayor is very proud of his Dr. Seuss-like prose ability” said his chief of staff.

For a person of his mental abilities, or should I say non-mental abilities to be able to rhyme and, in many cases, feed himself and be potty-trained is emotional. It’s a testament to what an activist government with a well-funded social safety net can improve the lives of the differentially-abled.  I understand the Republicans want to destroy our safety net. We can’t allow them to do this.

With the war against Chick-fil-A in full swing, many other restaurant chains in Manhattan are starting to tow the line.

“We tell all our employees to have same-sex marriage before their shift” said a McDonald’s franchise owner.

McDonald’s is conscious of the fact that if we run afoul of the government we will not be able to stay in business. So we are proud to say that all our hamburgers are now pro-gay. 

Riding high a crest of gay food publicity Mayor Wilhelm, Jr. then announced that debt is racist.

“Brothers and sisters” said Mayor Wilhelm Jr. as he addressed the National Action Network in Harlem, “do you think the United States government turned its back on Puerto Rico because they’re people of color?”

With that the slow, slack-jawed mayor married to a lesbian soiled his pants and began crying.

“Sometimes being around adults overstimulates him” said his doctor. “So we put him in his PJs and gave him a chocolate bar. He’s sleeping now.”

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