I am not black!

Controversial Rebel Alliance fighter and former moisture farmer from Tatooine, Luke Skywalker has renounced his true father, Darth Vader.

“it’s a sore point with him” said good friend Hans Solo.

Luke is a crybaby!

He called me up one day all out of sorts. “Darth Vader told me I’m his son!” I told him to calm down and take a blood test to prove the dirty old man wrong. But he refused.  He doesn’t want to take that chance. In a way I can understand it.  The Rebel Alliance is predominantly white and if it turns out that Luke is black it could come back to hurt hurt him. He’s very ambitious and wants to be a Jedi knight. We don’t have many black Jedi knights in the Alliance.

The news of Luke’s possible bi-racial heritage has not only divided the alliance but has frayed Skywalker’s family.

“I don’t see what the big deal is” said Skywalker’s twin sister, Princess Leia.

I”m black and I don’t see a problem with it.

I’ve known for years that Vader was my father. It’s amazing that Luke didn’t put the dots together earlier. I mean come on Luke.  All that time spent on the basketball court growing up. His love of Hip Hip. His hatred of police. I mean I love my brother but he can be a little thick sometimes.

Chewbacca,

Black is beautiful baby

also of the Rebel Alliance, has broken off contact with Luke after Luke refused to come out as black.

Luke could have been an example for the brothers. Instead he’s hiding and pretending he’s lily white. I’m part black. We could have been trailblazers. Instead I have to keep telling people I’m Italian.  Screw it. No more. If Luke won’t do it I will. I am black. And I am beautiful. If you have a problem with that than meet me in the alley.

Skywalker seems determined to emphasize his white heritage. He updated his Facebook status to read “I love hockey” and has started coaching a local high school team.

“That’s me in the back row with my hockey team” he said about a photo he uploaded.

Hockey and fighting the Empire. That’s what I enjoy doing. I look forward to the day when the Empire is defeated and I can devote all my free time to hockey. Hockey and Celine Dion.  I love her!

Because of the controversy the Rebel Alliance has been forced to address the issue.

“We are proud of our association with Luke Skywalker” said the Alliance in an official statement.

We are aware the recent controversy regarding his heritage. While we will withhold judgment until an official test proves either way, we will continue to welcome Luke no matter what the outcome. In fact the Alliance has long ties with the African community.Our social programs are second to none. Only the alliance pays to keep the lights in schoolyards on until midnight so our oppressed African brothers can continue to play basketball.

Darth Vader

I just want my son to rule with me.

has denied any intent to create controversy or demoralize the Rebel Alliance.

“I just want to play a pickup game with my son.  I want him to join me.  We can rule together.  Just two brothers ruling the Empire.” 

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