My Exclusive Interview with Erin Burnett

I am smart.  Not like people say!

I am smart. Not like people say!

Today at Manhattan Infidel I have the pleasure of interviewing a fellow journalist: Erin Burnett, formerly of CNBC and now with CNN.

MI: Good afternoon Miss Burnett.

EB: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.  You know it’s such a pleasure to be interviewed by a fellow journalist.  One journalist to another. Only we understand what’s really going on.

MI: I’m sorry but I don’t understand what you mean by that.

EB: Well you know, the public, and I love them, I really do, oftentimes does not have the nuanced thinking that we have that allows us to truly understand the issues.

MI: Right.  Can you give me an example?

EB: Well, when we had our latest outbreak of workplace violence in San Bernardino last week people were at a loss as to the motive.  Was it a right-wing teabagger?  A right-wing militia member? Perhaps someone who had bought guns without a background check because you can just buy guns anywhere in America without undergoing a background check. But when I found out that one of the shooters was a woman I immediately sensed the true motive.

MI: And that is?

EB: Postpartum depression.

MI: Um.  You want to run that by me again?

EB: Postpartum depression.  What other possible motive could there be?  She’s a woman who just had a baby.  Why else would a woman kill 14 people?  We’re not men. We aren’t hopped up on testosterone, ready to kill at the drop of a hat!

MI: That doesn’t appear to be a a likely motive. In fact evidence has come in that she pledged allegiance to ISIS and that this attack was a terrorist attack done by radicalized Muslims.

EB:  That’s just racist.  I thought you said you were in the media?

MI: I am.  I’m just trying to gather the facts.

EB: Facts are patriarchal.

MI: Okay let’s move along – 

EB: As a reporter I am not interested in facts.  I am interested in feelings.  What feels to be true. And postpartum depression feels to be true as a motive. As a woman I feel it.  Did you know that postpartum depression has in fact caused many disasters over the years?

MI: I did not know that.

EB: That’s because  you’re a man and you’re blinded by the facts. Let me give you a few examples:  The assassination of Archduke Franz Ferdinand. The Hindenburg. Pearl Harbor. The JFK assassination. My Mother the Car. Watergate. 9/11.  Cop Rock. These were all caused by postpartum depression.  I feel this to be true.

MI: Right.  Well that’s about all the time we have.  But before I leave you I like to give everyone I interview a gift.  Here is yours.  

Soon to be on the head of Erin Burnett

Soon to be on the head of Erin Burnett

EB: Is it a witch’s cap?  Like if I wear this will I get the power of three just like on Charmed?

MI: Yes. That’s exactly what it is.

EB: Oh thank you. I can’t wait to wear this when I’m on the air.

And so ended my interview with the lovely but brain dead Erin Burnett. And to those who think I might have made this up I present the following as evidence:

Postpartum depression caused the San Bernardino shootings


4 Responses

  1. petermc3 says:

    If only she moves to FOX so we can check out her legs; the heels, the short skirt…oops, i have to go now.

  2. LSP says:

    It obviously wasn’t anything to do with Islam, so maybe Erin has a point?

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