The motives are a mystery!

As the news filtered in about a mass shooting in San Bernardino, California that left 14 dead, the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ sprang into action okay I was in a bar so I didn’t have time to write about it yesterday.

Having had time to gather the facts sober up I now present the Motives Remain a Mystery for Muslim Shooting Rampage Template™.

News reports are coming in of an active shooter and multiple casualties. How should I react?

• Remain calm and withhold judgment until the facts are in
• Become very excited.  I mean, active shooters?  Multiple casualties?  I love this shit.  It’s like my porn
• Become self-righteous.  All those crazy Christians “praying”, or “preying” as I like to put it, for San Bernardino make me sick.  God will not fix this!
• Make a mental note to tell my psychiatrist at my next appointment that mass shootings violate my safe space

The shooters were a married couple, Syed Rizwan Farook and Tashfeen Malik of middle Eastern origin.

• So?  What are you implying your racist!  Islam is the religion of peace!
• Probably names the white suspects came up with to disparage an entire community
• Where did you hear this? Fox news?  Figures.  You know Fox is Republican!
• Why couldn’t the shooters have been white Christians of northern European origin?

Before the shooting broke out one of the suspects had attended a Christmas party at the office

• First off it’s a “holiday” party or did you forget about Kwanzaa you racist!
• How could we be so culturally insensitive?  Didn’t anyone attending this party appreciate that it violated Syed’s religious principles?
• This just goes to show you that any public display of Christianity is dangerous
• Allah will avenge those who planned this culturally inappropriate holiday party

How is this different than the terrorist attacks in Paris last month?

• That is a racist question!
• To even suggest they are similar shows how hate-filled and intellectually inferior you are!
• France has strict gun laws, unlike the United States where anyone can buy a gun anytime.
• Let’s ban all guns!

Actually California has some of the strictest gun control laws in the U.S. and the suspects used weapons that have already been banned

• Irrelevant!  We need to re-ban the banned weapons!
• If we institute double secret probation banning this will never happen again
• They probably borrowed the weapons from a white militia group.  You know how white people are!
• White people are natural born serial killers.  Science has proven this!

Is there any evidence that Syed Rizwan Farook and Tashfeen Malik had tea party sympathies?

• You are an idiot.  Muslims are progressive liberals
• Perhaps they were kidnapped and brainwashed by tea partiers to kill. You know, like the Manchurian Candidate!
• We all know the Tea Party was behind it.  Who needs evidence?
• Tea partiers should be rounded up and tortured!  They are not worthy of Constitutional protection!

I still don’t know what Syed Rizwan Farook and Tashfeen Malik’s motives could be?

• Muslims are naturally peaceful.  I don’t get it either!
• Living in America perhaps they were corrupted by the dominant war-like white man’s culture?
• It had to have been the holiday party.  They became enraged when they saw a Menorah, a Jewish symbol!
• I mean I like Jews, they are Democrats and all, but Israel should be wiped off the face of the planet!

What can we do to ensure that this never happens again?

• Ban guns.
• Look I know the guns they used were already banned and I have called for re-banning them but what about re-re-banning them?
• Triple secret banning will strike fear into the hearts of gun owners!
• Convert to Islam and follow the Prophet Mohammed.  Allah Akbar!

 

May this template once again help my readers overcome their progressive grief in this time of extreme mourning, tragedy and Christian fundamentalism.

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