My Exclusive Interview with President Barack Hussein Obama

Mombo.  For the.  Um. Climate.  master.

Mombo. For the. Um. Climate. master. Fish. Swim.

Being a blogger can often be lonely. Stuck in my crappy, cramped one-bedroom in upper Manhattan with nothing to do except to see if any women respond to my penis selfies the mind can wander. And so it has.  Do I have enough money to pay my bills this month? What if I ate something other than pizza every day? Is that a cockroach or an alien drone?

You see, just a typical day of typical mind wandering thoughts.  But between these hallucinations mind wandering thoughts I actually had time to buckle down and get to work. In this case, an exclusive interview with the 44th president of the United States.

MI: Good afternoon Mr. President. Thank you for meeting with me.

PBHO: Thank you Manhattan Infidel. I always have time to meet with a Democratic party operative.

MI: Actually I’m part of the press.

PBHO: Yes, as I said.

MI: Let’s talk about climate change. You are in Paris for the summit.

PBHO: Yes, climate change.  It is the greatest threat to America, civilization, indeed the entire world today. If we don’t act fast to reduce carbon emissions our planet will soon be like Venus and surface temperatures will reach almost 1000 degrees. We will be living in diving bells because of the pressure.  And you don’t want to live like a Venutian do you?

MI: There is no life on Venus.  But passing that aside for the moment there is no evidence that we will become Venus.  Don’t you think the rhetoric is overcharged?

PBHO: You go down to Miami, and when it’s flooding at high tide on a sunny day fish are swimming through the middle of the streets.

MI: What? When did this ever happen?

PBHO: I am Enzo the baker.  I help.  For your father.  For your father.

MI: Um. I. Can I quote you on that? Because I don’t know what the hell you are talking about.

PO: As I said, climate change is our biggest threat. Our founding fathers were worried about climate change which is why they gave the President unlimited power.

MI: They didn’t do that.  Where does it say that?

PBHO: Now Manhattan Infidel, you’re not a constitutional scholar like I am so I won’t embarrass you with the answer.

MI: That’s because it doesn’t exist.


PBHO: There is no way out of here. It will be dark soon. There is no way out of here.

MI: What?

PBHO: The master would not approve.

MI: What?  What the hell are you talking about? What master?

PBHOO Manos… thou of primal darkness! Thou who dwelleth in the depth of the universe in the black casims of night! Thou who bestoweth the mother darkness upon thy faithful, to live eternally in her keeping. Thou dost make him most blessed forever! And thou who dost cursed with eternal burning life those whom transrest against thee! Holy art thou, holy art thou, holy art thou! Manos will be done! Thy priesthood remains steadfast, thy priesthood remains constant, thy priesthood remains righteous. Thou hast taught us, O Manos, and we hath listened. Give ear to our words, O Manos, and hear us! Hear us! Hear us! For we are faithful and thou art our God.

MI: I believe you’ve suffered some sort of psychotic break from reality.

PBHO: Kill! Kill! Kill! Manos has decreed it! Kill! Kill! Kill!

MI:  Okay I’m going to back away slowly.

PBHO: Find them! They must not escape, find them!

MI: I’m backing away.

PBHO: Enough talk! Find them! Manos will be served!

MI: Goodbye.

PBHO: You have failed us Manhattan Infidel. For this you must die.

MI: I think it’s time to invoke section four of the 25th amendment.

PBHO: Papa loves mambo
Mama loves mambo
Look at ’em sway with it
Gettin’ so gay with it
Shoutin’ “olay” with it, wow (huh)

MI: God help us.  We are in the hands of a madman.

And so ended my interview. I guess I should stock up on canned goods and await the shit storm.



3 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    We would all like to see Sterling Hayden break his jaw and Appalonio refuse to do anal since he couldn’t first muff the duff with his jaw wired.

  2. LSP says:

    It’s all fun and games until you wake up, and there’s El Nino, sawing your foot off.

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