Incredible Hulk Signs Endorsement Deal with Haggar Slacks!

Hulk look smashing in Haggar slacks!

Hulk look smashing in Haggar slacks!

Controversial Super Hero the Incredible Hulk has inked a seven figure endorsement deal with Haggar Slacks.

“Hulk smash!  And Hulk look smashing in Haggar slacks” declared the Hulk at the press conference announcing the deal.

With the Hulk by his side, Haggar CEO Michael Stiff announced that the Hulk will become the face of Haggar.

“Haggar slacks are marketed to a young and hip clientele” said Stiff.

So when we started to search for a corporate spokesperson we wanted someone who would resonate with the young crowd.  And kids nowadays love superheros. Superheros, rock stars and trannies apparently.  We tried getting a rock star but everyone we approached insisted we pay them in meth and underage girls. The underage girls were no problem but manufacturing and transporting the meth would have increased production costs dramatically. Then we tried getting a trannie but they were all busy doing porn or reality shows. And Caitlyn was too expensive. So that left us with superheros. I thought “Why not the Hulk?” He wears nothing but slacks.  It’s a natural fit, pardon the pun.

With that introduction the super hero of the hour took questions from the press.

“Will David Banner be wearing these slacks as well” asked one reporter.

The Hulk seemed angered at the mention of his alter ego.

“Hulk smash!  Hulk smash reporter who ask this question” he shouted as the reporter beat a hasty retreat.

CEO Stiff stepped in to calm the situation.

The Hulk is our spokesperson, not David Banner.  Whatever David Banner, scientist, physicist, searching for a way to tap into the hidden strengths that all humans have wears is not a concern to us. It is the Hulk who wears Haggar slacks.  It is the Hulk who is the face of Haggar slacks.  It is the Hulk we are investing in.  Not David Banner, who whenever he grows angry or outraged a startling metamorphosis occurs. Besides we talked to Banner and he gets angry easily. No one likes him when he’s angry.

The press conference soon went downhill as the next reporter asked the Hulk if he had any connection with disgraced former WWE champion Hulk Hogan.

“Hulk smash Hulk Hogan!  Hulk dislike Hulk Hogan intensely!” he raged as he picked up a jar of water on the podium and threw it, knocking the reporter unconscious and sending him to the hospital with severe head injuries.

As the assembled reporters tried to exit the conference room the Hulk began to pick up furniture on stage and throw it.  As reporters screamed several were grabbed by the Hulk and contorted into pretzel shapes.

Over the sound of spines being cracked CEO Stiff could be heard shouting, “It’s about the slacks! See how good our slacks look on the Hulk!  Not even a wrinkle!  Why don’t you motherf*ckers write about that!”

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Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news 

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After causing hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of damage and confining many reporters to wheelchairs for the rest of their lives Haggar has announced that is is suspending their contract with the Incredible Hulk.

“Upon reflection Hulk is not a good spokesperson for our company.”

The odds on favorite to replace the Hulk as Haggar’s spokesperson is the Silver Surfer.

“California, the Beach Boys, surfing. It’s a wholesome look for us” Stiff announced.

(362)

2 Responses

  1. petermc3 says:

    The Hulkster is a Dockers man anyway. Screw those sissies at Haggar.

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