Neighborhood Home Association Asks Aquaman to Leave

Aquaman will no longer be able to use the local pools

Aquaman will no longer be able to use the local pools

The  home association of the 300 block of Elm Street has asked Aquaman to leave their neighborhood as soon as possible.  They have also sought an injunction to stop the marine superhero from swimming in their pools.

“Look none of us are racist” said the Association president.

But Aquaman is, well, different than the rest of us. When he first showed up and started swimming in our pools we didn’t want to make a big deal about it.  We’re a tolerant bunch. We don’t mind hosting illegal aliens.  Our neighborhood block association prides itself on being a sanctuary home association. But he overstayed his welcome.  All  he does now is sit in the bottom of our pools and sulk. And factor in that he also goes to the bathroom in our pools.  The occasional kid relieving himself we’re used to.  But, how should I put this?  Aquaman does an awful lot of number two’s.  Clogs up the filters.  It’s, it’s really gross.  

The home association is also concerned that Aquaman’s intentions towards their daughters was less than honorable.

When Aquaman invited my daughter into the pool for a so-called “wet hump” I started to grown concerned.  I support gay marriage and alternate lifestyles.  As long as it’s not my daughter you understand.

Aquaman’s ability to make telepathic suggestions to other creatures caused additional friction.

“I was sitting at home one day after work drinking a beer” said one resident.

When all of a sudden I got these telepathic thoughts in my mind.  “Bring all your beer to Aquaman” it said.  I was overcome with a desire to bring the case of beer I bought with my hard-earned money and give it to that freeloader. If that wasn’t bad enough he also telepathically told me to “take out your member and wave it at the police car.”  I was tasered and spent the weekend in jail. I f*cking hate Aquaman and want him to leave as soon as possible.

Aquaman’s swimming ability got under the skin of many residents.

We used to hold swimming competitions during the summer.  Just for fun.  No one took it too seriously.  But this Aquaman fellow can swim at speeds of 7000 miles per hour. So he beat us every time.  And he liked trash talking and rubbing it in.One time after beating me he yelled “I guess the only thing you’re fast at is finishing in the bedroom!”  He said that right in front of my wife and kids. I was humiliated. He said it was all good fun and that’s what his people do.  I don’t care. We have our own ways here and we don’t trash talk like that.

Finally after an incident where some of the children almost drowned in a contest with Aquaman to see who could hold their breath under water the longest the home association voted to expel the marine superhero.

We don’t like to make judgments here.  This is an inclusive neighborhood. But Aquaman’s just a f*cking jerk. None of us will be sorry to see him go.

As for Aquaman he blames the unanimous vote to expel him on “cultural misunderstanding with the dry feet humans.”

“I’ve learned from my mistakes” he said.  “From now on I will be more sensitive to the feelings of the dry feet.  As long as they don’t ask me how I lost my left hand.  It’s a freaking cybernetic retractable hook.  Stop staring at it!”


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