This is obviously a white christian of northern European origin

Once again the scourge of gun violence has stricken America. The nation reeled after an attack at a military recruiting station in Chattanooga, Tennessee left five dead. Having had a couple days to reflect upon the events and not wishing to engage in a rush to judgment I now present the Chattanooga Shooting Motives Template.™

There has been a mass shooting that left five dead.  How should I react?

• With sadness. This is a horrible, horrible tragedy
• Anger.  Why does this always happen in America?
• Remain calm and try to get all the facts
• Blame Republicans

The shooter was Muhammed Youssef Abdulazeez.  This tells us

• He was probably Muslim
• That’s racist!
• We can infer nothing from this shooter’s name
• I bet he had Confederate flags at his house

You’re probably right about the Confederate flags

• I know!  Why are white people such violent racists?
• I hate right wing Republicans like Muhammed Youssef Abdulazeez!
• I bet he was probably a Christian fanatic!
• He probably wanted to reinstate slavery.  White people all want to

What can we do to ensure that this never happens again?

• Ban guns
• Ban all images of the Confederate flag
• Ban the words “confederate” and “gun.”
• Ban Christianity (the religion of war!)

Fox News is reporting that the gunman is Muslim

• Consider the source.  Fox News is racist!
• This is so patently false.  The shooter obviously was a Christian who loved the Confederate flag
• Even if he turns out to be Muslim let’s consider the legitimate historical grievances Muslims have against the west.
• Ban Fox news!

I don’t want to rush to judgment but we know he’s a tea partier!

• That makes sense. After all, the tea party is racist and hates black people.
• The tea party disgusts me. They should be rounded up!
• We need concentration camps to put the tea party in!
• Ban the tea party!

All this violence makes me want to convert to Islam

• That’s logical.  It is the religion of peace after all
• 9/11 was an inside job.  Fire does not melt steel!
• We need to genitally mutilate our women so they don’t grow up to be wild American women
• I like goats

 

May this handy template help my readers make sense of this tragedy.

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