I am depressed!

Today at Manhattan Infidel I have the pleasure of interviewing actor Jared Padalecki, best known as Sam Winchester on the long-running TV series “Supernatural.”

MI: Good afternoon Jared

JP: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.

MI: You’ve spent the past ten years starring on one of the biggest hits on television. This has brought you fame, money and a beautiful wife whom you met on the set of your TV show.

JP: Yes, Genevieve.  My rock.  My anchor.  I am very, very lucky to have her. 

My husband is depressed!

MI: Lately you have been in the news for something entirely different.  I am talking about your struggle with depression.  What made you go public with it?

JP: Well as you know depression is a very serious disease.  I was sitting in my bedroom in my mansion, well, one of my mansions, I forget how many I have when my French maid

French maids make Jared Padalecki depressed

knocked on the door and told me that it was time to get dressed and that I had to get in my private plane and fly to San Diego for the Comic Con where fans would worship me.  And this depressed me.  I was suddenly filled with depression.  The sight of my French maid, dressed in a sexy French maid outfit filled me with despair. I mean, the money, the women, the fame and adulation, the mansions, the private jets.  Is this all there is?

MI: Um, this depressed you?

JP: Yes, as I’ve said I have more money than I know what to do with.  I have a beautiful young wife and a beautiful young French maid.  I have private jets and mansions.  People do my bidding.  Everyone is nice to me. But for what? Sometimes I yearn for a simpler existence.

MI: I see.  I hadn’t thought of that.  Could you do me a favor?  I need you to move a little closer.

JP: Sure. Why do you – 

[Manhattan Infidel slaps Jared Padalecki]

MI: So I can slap you asshole!

JP: Ow!  Why did you do that?  I’m depressed.  Have pity on me.

[Manhattan Infidel slaps Padalecki a second time]

JP: Ow!  Please stop!  This isn’t helping me with my battle with clinical depression.

MI:  You’re depressed?  Try living my life.  I’m middle aged, live in a Dominican neighborhood in upper Manhattan.  My companions are loud music and gunfire every night.  I’m stuck in a horrible job and I can barely pay my rent. You want to be depressed? Try my f*cking life!  

JP: Wow.  That sounds horrible.  Perhaps your French maid can service you and relieve your depression?

MI: I don’t have a f*cking French maid you rich, depressed asshole!

[Manhattan Infidel punches Padalecki]

JP: Ow!  Stop it!  The people at the Comic Con shall hear about this!

MI: One more thing before I go asshole.  Are you related to Jared from Subway? You know the pedophile?

JP:What? There’s a pedophile who shares my name?  That just makes me even more depressed.

MI: F*ck off!

[Manhattan Infidel kicks Padalecki in the groin]

JP: Help!  Police!  Help!

[A policeman enters]

Policeman: What seems to be the problem?

JP: Officer I’m Jared Padalecki. I have money, mansions and a French maid and I’m depressed.

Policeman: Depressed are you?  Maybe this will help!

[The policeman hits Padalecki with his night stick]

Policeman: Take that you rich, depressed asshole!

MI: That was a good hit.

Policeman:  Thanks.  Do you want to get a beer while we talk about how much we hate rich, depressed assholes?

MI: Sure why not.  Oh, he’s still moving.

[The policeman hits Padalecki a second time, knocking him out]

MI: Should we leave him there?

Policeman: Yeah why not.  He’ll probably wake up before the rats start gnawing at his face.

And so ended my interview.

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Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news Breaking news 

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Rich, depressed actor Jared Padalecki has not shown up at San Diego’s Comic Con and is presumed missing.

“I don’t understand” said his wife Genevieve.  “He was looking forward to it.  I know if he misses it he’ll get really depressed.”

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