John Schneider Banned!

Ban this man!  He must be made to feel the economic consequences of his actions!

Ban this man! He must be made to feel the economic consequences of his actions!

Controversial actor John Schneider, best known for The Dukes of Hazzard and Smallville, has been banned.  Not only has Schneider been banned but any mention of Schneider, indeed the very spelling of his name in news articles has been banned.  As such for the rest of this article whenever I mention this hated man’s name I will refer to him as X* (the asterisk adds a touch of class and mystery, don’t you think?)

Since the tragic Charleston shooting by Dylann Roof, a Republican with tea party sympathies, America has come together in an impressive display of unity calling for the banning of the Confederate flag.  All except for one man.  The now much despised X*.

X* was quoted as saying that TV Land’s decision to stop showing Dukes of Hazzards reruns because their car was called the General Lee and had a Confederate flag painted on it misses the point.

“Are people who grew up watching the show now suddenly racists?” X* said. “Come on, TV Land, can’t we all just watch TV?”

The fallout from X*’s racist comments has been swift.  His manager disowned him. His agent dropped him.  Warner Brothers, which produced the Dukes of Hazzard TV show announced that the show will now be known as the “Duke of Hazzard” starring only Tom Wopat.  X* will be green screened out of the TV episodes.  In addition their car, the General Lee, will now have a painting of Che Guevara instead of the Confederate flag.

Peter Roth, the chief executive of Warner Brothers Television said when announcing the decision, “Warner Brothers Television has always stood for two things.”

Freedom, non-smoking and crony capitalism.  Well, three things apparently. We at Warner Brothers apologize for flooding the airwaves with images of the Confederate flag and only wonder that it hasn’t led to more white southerners going on killing sprees. Hopefully putting a picture of Che on the General Lee, which will be renamed the General Grant, will put a stop to racist violence in America.

President Obama praised the actions of Warner Brothers and announced his support for banning X*.

“America is a compassionate country” he said.

We stand for freedom, equality and diversity.  Diversity of race, diversity in creeds and diversity of opinion.  Except those opinions which my justice department has decided shall no longer be tolerated. And it should be noted that banning X* is a compassionate and peaceful thing to do.  We have not killed nor harmed X*.  We are only taking away his livelihood and ability to make a living.

In an emergency session Congress passed the “Banning of John X*” Act which stipulates that mentioning his name or viewing images of X* will now be punishable by fines of not less than $10,000 and/or 60 days in jail.

“It is hoped that this is just the beginning” declared majority leader Mitch McConnell.

Maybe soon even the mention of his name, the whispering of his name in conversation will be stopped by the righteous indignation of the American people. I expected more from X* seeing as he was born in Westchester county, New York, a progressive bastion, and not in the south.  I have been proven bitterly wrong.

As for the object of the controversy himself, X* had this to say:

What the hell?  Is everyone insane?

We at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ support the banning of X* and hope that this will lead to a national discussion on the entrenched racism in America.


4 Responses

  1. Petermc3 says:

    The Malcolm X industry is appalled at the IDM’s bogarding of their once sancrasant letter. The muppets are pissed too Infidel!

  2. innominatus says:

    Dear US Department of Banning People,

    A certain blogger who goes by the handle “Manhattan Infidel” (which is a hatey hateful name in and of itself) has been blogging about banned persons again.

    • Manhattan Infidel says:

      You sir are banned from this blog! This blog is a “safe space” and we don’t need your patriarchy.

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