My Exclusive Interview with George Takei

Oh my.  Clarence Thomas is a baboon.  And the Irish are apes

Oh my. Clarence Thomas is a baboon. And the Irish are apes

Today at the Worldwide Headquarters of Manhattan Infidel™ I have the pleasure to interview one of the internet’s biggest stars, George Takei.

MI:Good afternoon George.

GT: Oh my.  Please.  Call me Mr. Takei.  You take away my dignity by using my first name.

MI:  Okay, I apologize.  I didn’t mean to offend.

GT: It doesn’t matter if you didn’t mean to offend me.  You have offended me.  I am outraged.  Offended.

MI: Okay, I said I was sorry. Let’s move on.  You are of course best known for Star Trek.  What did you do after that?

GT: That question offends me.  It offends my dignity.

MI: I’m sorry but it’s a legitimate question. I’m looking at your IMDB credits and they are pretty sparse.

GT: If you must know I had trouble finding work after Star Trek.

MI: Could it possibly be because you have no talent?


GT: Oh my, you had to go there, didn’t you?  You offend me.  You offend my dignity.

MI: Let’s move.  You recently called Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas a “clown in blackface.”

GT: That’s right. He’s a disgrace.  He voted against legalizing gay marriage in the United States. By doing so he’s deprived me of my dignity.  And that offends me.

MI:  Let me get this straight, no pun intended – 

GT: I don’t appreciate your stab at humor, you breeder.

MI: Because he voted against gay marriage he took away your dignity? How so?

GT: The government gives us our dignity.  Without the government saying that me marrying a man is legal I have no dignity.

MI: But what about your inherent dignity as a human being?

GT: Oh my, you’re one of those?  A breeder and a Christian?  Oh my.  You offend me and my dignity.

MI: So you contend that the government grants us our rights and dignity?

GT: Yes.  All intelligent people, and by that I mean Democrats, know this to be true.

MI:  But isn’t is more to the truth to say that the Constitution, rather than having government grant us rights, acknowledges rights that are preexisting and cannot be taken away?

GT: I don’t understand your point so I’m going to change the subject.  Clarence Thomas is not worthy of being called a black man. He is a negro.  A tar baby.  A colored man waiting to be whipped and lynched by his massa.

MI: Wow. That’s pretty strong language.  Some people might even say racist.  Are you sure you don’t want to walk back that last statement?

GT: It’s not racist.  It’s the truth.  And you must be stupid to disagree with me.

MI: I’m not stupid.  I’m just saying that I find it ironic that Clarence Thomas votes for the party that freed his ancestors while you vote for the party that put you in an internment camp during WW II.

GT: Oh my.  You are beginning to annoy me.  What is your ethnic background?

MI:What has that have to do with anything?

GT:  Please, breeder, your ethnic background.

MI: I’m Irish.

GT: Just as I thought.  A baboon.  an ape. It’s amazing that your kind walks upright.

MI: Wait just a second – 

GT:You disgust me more than the Jews, if that’s possible.

MI:  Okay I’m going to end this interview now.  You are starting to offend me!

GT: Oh my. Is the upright ape offended? Oh my.  Get out of here you upright, apeish breeder.

MI: It’ll be my pleasure to leave.

GT: But before you go, can I give you a hand job?

MI: What?

GT: I love bears. They turn me on. Hairy apes, oh my.  Oh my.

MI: Goodbye.

GT: Wait, would you like to see my penis?

And so ended my interview with the minimally talented George Takei.


3 Responses

  1. petermc3 says:

    Had you said ” Let me be frank with you” would he have dropped trou?

  2. petermc3 says:

    I wasn’t thinking…

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