National Organization for Women Lauds ISIS For Its Role in Promoting Female Equality

ISIS respects women!  Not like those nasty Christians!

ISIS respects women! Not like those nasty Christians!

The National Organization for Women announced today that it is giving its annual “Profiles in Courage” award to the Islamic group ISIS.

“Many are surprised by this” said NOW’s president Terry O’Neill.

After all, what would an American organization devoted to equality for women have anything to do with a group from the middle east that has absolutely nothing to do with Islam, no matter what Republicans may say.  It’s simple really.  ISIS is a group that opposes what we oppose:  The white male christian patriarchy. Being on the front lines for equality as long as we have we are naturally attuned to those who share our beliefs.  And when we heard that ISIS, which again I must stress has nothing to do with Islam, was beheading women, we rejoiced.  Not so much in the beheading but in the fact that the status of women in the middle east has risen to such a degree that they are now considered worthy of being beheaded by an organization that has nothing to do with Islam.  We at NOW support ISIS in its struggle against conservatives.  We salute them and we look forward to many years of fighting the good fight together. 

Before introducing a representative from ISIS to accept the award, O’Neill took time to laud the two escaped inmates Richard Matt and David Sweat from upstate New York.

Richard could not be here himself, having been killed by a representative of the patriarchy.  David is recuperating in a hospital having also been shot.  We wish David the best on his recovery.  These two inmates helped advance the cause of marriage equality by having sex with the same married prison guard. NOW can only applaud the fact that they are not bound by the conventional restraints of bourgeois sexuality.  And we decry the senseless acts of violence committed in the name of the law against these two gentle convicted murderers.

It was then time for the award to be presented.  A representative from ISIS, dressed in boots, fatigues and a balaclava accepted the award and approached the microphone to make his acceptance speech.

“Allah Akbar!” he screamed. “Allah Akbar!”

“Ollie who?” asked a startled O’Neill. “Ollie Hardy?  Is he a Laurel and Hardy fan? Oh I love them!”

The ISIS representative then produced a scimitar and grabbed O’Neill by her hair.

“Oh, is this some tomfoolery?  I heard you guys like slapstick” said O’Neill.

As those in attendance watched, he started cutting through the neck of the NOW president.

Ever committed to the cause of equality, O’Neill did not complain as the blade sliced through her neck.  Before her vocal cords were severed she managed to say, “Do it!  Deeper! Deeper!”

After severing her head and holding it up, the ISIS representative, and again I must remind my readers that ISIS has nothing to do with Islam, announced that the infidel was dead and ran from the room.

Authorities have blamed the beheading of O’Neill on Christian fundamentalists and have named New York’s Archbishop Timothy Dolan as a person of interest.


One Response

  1. petermc3 says:

    If as a nation we are truly serious about protecting our women,I say outlaw the wife- beater undershirt!

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