This is the future of political reporting

He won’t sit down for an interview with Fox news.  He won’t meet with the Prime Minister of Israel.  But apparently one thing President Obama will do is meet with Youtube sensation Glozell Green for an intimate interview.  Green is best known for eating cereal from a bathtub.  I had the chance to sit down with Miss Green, by all accounts the future of political journalism in America, to ask her about her interview with the President.

MI: Good afternoon Miss Green.

GG: Good afternoon Manhattan Infidel.  Now what do you do on your youtube channel?

MI: Um, I don’t have a youtube channel.  I have a blog.

GG: So you’ve never eaten cereal from a bathtub?

MI: No.

GG: You are beneath me!

MI: Okay let’s talk a little bit about your interview. Were there any parts of the interview that the general public didn’t see.

GG: Oh yes, we left a lot out. My youtube subscribers will get to see it.

MI: Can you give us a little taste?

GG: Well I asked him if he would pose for a selfie with me.

MI: Did he?

GG: No he said it was beneath the dignity of his office.  And then I let him shit in my mouth.

MI Uh, what?

GG: I asked him to shit in my mouth and he did.

MI: And that’s not beneath the dignity of the office.

GG: He was happy to do it.  He said it was a lot more fun than meeting with that Jew Prime Minister.

MI: I don’t know what to say.  I really don’t. 

CC: And then after he shit in my mouth I jumped into a bathtub and ate his shit.

MI: I think I’m going to be sick.

CC: I must say I don’t know why everyone thinks being a political reporter is so difficult.  Just have the President shit in your mouth.  I did and he was very nice and answered all my questions.

MI: What were some of the questions you asked him?

CC: I asked him what his plans were for his third term.

MI: You know a third term is illegal under our constitution.

[Pause]

CC:  He shit in my mouth.

MI: Okay.  I give up. So what are his plans for his third term?

CC: Get rid of the states. Divide the former states into four provinces.  It’ll be easier for the Federal government to administer them. And take guns out of the hands of private citizens.  Only the state should be armed.  And give Al Sharpton ten percent of all tax receipts coming into the IRS.

MI: That seems quite detailed.  When did he have time to mention all this?

CC: When he was shitting in my mouth. I filmed it for my youtube channel.  Would you like to see it?

MI: No.  I think I’ll leave now.

CC: Don’t you want to shit in my mouth?

MI: No.  I’d rather go home and contemplate the fall of America.  Goodbye.

And so ended my interview with White House beat reporter Glozell Green.

For those of you who want to punish yourselves, here is Miss Green’s bathtub challenge:

The bathtub challenge

And here is here interview with the President (skip head to the 16:00 minute mark)

President Obama being interviewed by Glozell Green

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